Precisely Despised

Multiply.
Recognise.
Pain hides.
Scars dry.
Unheard cry.
Numbing high.

You’re surely gonna find.
Not behind the dark side.
Deeper into the dispersed lines.
Where we all refuse & deny.
A pain to end or else panic mortifies.
All of the necessary senses to get high.
Numbed across a pressure; witnessed at hell’s heights.
Isolated Divides.
A demonic stimuli.
Ritualistic deluded guidelines.
Apparently found dead inside.
Despised visions, blurry sight.

Messed up chaos.
All battles lost.
Broken to deform.
All hopes certainly  gone.
Pick up the receiver, pick up the call
Not bitter but surely fine with nailing shots.
Failure & surely a pathetic lost cause.

A certain stage.
A mind cage.
An uncontrolled rage.
Closer to, feel the pain.
Let it out in filthy ways.
Chosen to stay.
Disgusted hate.
Digging a grave.
Changing phase.
Anger range.
Destructive flames.
Fitting frame.
Blindfolded under dark shade.

I don’t care about myself.
I don’t care about my hair.
I don’t care about my skin.
I don’t care about fucking anything.
Godamn it don’t you begin.
Pick me up to deal with everything.

Psyched in not being liked.
Anticipated to push away, from time to time.
Choosing terms to silently die.
All occupied.
Patterns justified.
Dumb fucking mind.
Mirrors. Lies.
Deeper across you may find.
Alienation to get left behind.
A state of control denied.
More than a mechanism, a screaming voice derived.
Precisely despised.
You are making me horrified.
Beat me up & testing my will to utilise and survive.
Corrupting inner conscience to fight.

Obstructing reality.
Blurry calligraphy.
Parallelly nasty.
Lost tragedy.
Fucked up naturally.
And ill mentally.
Will relapse gradually.
Or will suicide quickly.
As a result of feeling guilty.

Daddy dominates.
Mommy fixates.
On a total chaotic waste.
Desperate to operate.
Finding measures to an aid.
Just pretend you’re all fine, pretty much okay.
You know…., you’re own pain.
Destruction rage.
Closer to you’re own ways.
Depression cage.
Filthy shame.
Alcoholic days.
Abused again & again.
Hated myself with more details.
They say times will change.
But how can you say? Really how can you say.
When you’ve beared nothing, just saw a smiling face.
Took pleasures in betraying faith.
Closing eyes towards a world of pain.
Like a puppet, where I was being played.
Not even a field of my game.
Still I took the weight.
Learned from all of the mistakes.
Loved you purely without hate.
But you’re a monster who cannot obey.
Never will have. Never, till date.

Written By :- P.S. (PATIENT Stan)

Perfect Imperfections.

1 – Bodily obsessed.
Freakishly Possessed.
Be thin or you won’t matter with the rest.
Nil to fulfill.
Bridging the gap b/w being mentally Ill.
A lost motivation, a lost will.
The adrenaline rush of panic.
Instable blood pressure due to excessive vomit.
Light headed, feeling cold.
Starve or fail to what you’ve been told.

2 – My life bleeds.
So let me cut, let me bleed.
It makes me feel alive & it’s kind of a release.
Feeling the screams inside that gnaws & feeds.
Leaving there totally helpless indeed.

3 – No matter how you try to accommodate.
Still society will judge you anyways.
It’s rather better to isolate.
Give yourself some breathing space.
Words hurt the sensitive.
No fucking bullshit.
They casually pick up a razor to ease a bit.
No matter what you say, it’ll only give the power to the enemy within.
Unrecognized.
Contaminating insides.
Madness with sharp knives.

4 – Broken Down.
Processing to severely doubt.
C’mon hit me now I say.
Nothings gonna cure me anyways.
Try to remain calm with the blade.
Operate to self hate.
Destroy yourself don’t wait.

5 – On the Outside.
We all smile.
But you don’t have an idea, who’s reality is twisted; downward – Upright.
Don’t talk, just hide.
Don’t show them the scars they’ll cry.
But I bet observing  them, you’re own eyes will be bloodshot red, but dry.
Because the will to survive.
Has now been slaughtered, maimed & is secretly losing fights.
Surrendering all; literally terrified.

6 – Numbed for so long.
Wounds to heal. So do it; perform.
In too deep.
You won’t be able to feel.
That the victim is seriously struggling.
Hiding his scars away to further bleeding.
An addictive healing.
Negatively dealing.
Provided to killing.
Cold chest, heart not beating.
Days passing.
Stuck inside, still failing.
Slowly degrading.

PERFECTLY  FADING…
EFFECTIVELY  IMPERFECTING.
Written By :- P.S  (PATIENT Stan)

Depths Of Suffering

1 – A war, constantly against myself.
Can’t find ways to defend.
This demon inside, which has possessed.
Making me feel totally helpless.
When I starve; I feel like I’ve achieved a lot.
But certainly paid a very very high cost.
Contributing further to my own personal degrading loss.
The voices grow too loud in my head.
Stop ingesting & throw up whatever you’ve been fed.
No matter what I eat.
I can’t stand it even while being asleep.
I finally at least tried hard & ate.
But couldn’t stand the fact making myself feel full again.

2 – So I gave in to the voices inside of me.
Hoping for a change, new start to a new journey.
Even after fucking recovery.
Finding the demons back inside of me: hard to beat.
A new truth added toward a ruined destiny.
Go fuck yourself if you try to eat.
You bloody shit, remain absolutely guilty.
Without feeling kindness for yourself & sorry.
The voices keep yelling at me.
You’re a worthless pathetic freak.
Burning yourself slowly towards reality.

3 – Madness as you know, is a lot like gravity, all it takes is a little push.
Leaving inside of you a thorny bush.
A victim to disorders totally confused.
Insanity extended, functioned to maximum use.
Pain accumulates to rip open the wounds.
Severely broken down to self abuse.
Avoiding thoughts and feelings through being negligent towards the truth.
I have lost myself to a stranger; totally fooled.

4 – Severe measures.
Took under desperation.
Persistent hate continously bothers.
Inside the mind, lingering under.
Weakened to the point of fits & seizures.
Detrimental while in starvation period.
Loosing all controls on anxieties & fears.
Lying & cheating while in self denial.
Patient relapsing, potential death is near.
A silent slaughter, which no one would be able to hear.

Afraid of the voice.
That hides inside.

Dominated by an entity totally unknown.
No one ever finally comes to know.
To what exactly people do behind those doors.
It appears as if a virtual monster is in total control.

Written by :- P.S  (PATIENT Stan)

Out Of The Box

Picking up.
Dusting lucks.
Upgrade just.
Levels of must.

Easily tempted.
Tortured & Tormented.
Sensation, felt it.
Evil, craved it.

Fright that I might
Loose the fight.
Like I did.
Anyways; otherwise.
Certainly occupied.

Patterns & behaviours.
Outcomes of denial.
Painful junctions.
Necessary redemption.
Key to self destruction.
A vicious obsession.
Cutting perversions.
Afraid of becoming a failure.

Execute.
Failing to reduce.
Being too obtuse.
A lying fool.
A demonic tool.

Out of the box.
Another one deformed.
Slowly to rot.
Waste that just took off.
Worthlessely gone.
Destruction on top.
A failed loss.
A long war fought.
Ultimately all lost.
Broken while was soft.

A best friend held.
Never yet to be yelled.
Just to stay calm & well.
Nevermind; cuze It’ll never end. 

But the flowing blood.
Just makes it worse.
For relieving amount of outburst.
Skin to dirt.
Settle you’re shirt.
All done to a purpose.
To achieve the best amount of pleasure.
I know it’s the worst measure.
I’m trying my best to get better.
But it’s just never…never..whatever.

Out of the box.
Another one deformed.
Slowly to rot.
Waste that just took off.
Worthlessely gone.
Destruction on top.
A failed loss.
A long war fought.
Ultimately all lost.
Broken while was soft.

A toxic downer is all what you’ve become,
so stop talking to everyone.
Keep it to yourself and pick me up.
I’ll calm u down when it will be done.
Does; still not feels like a member.
A reject, a monster and a bloody tremor.
So stop talking to everyone.
Keep it to yourself and pick me up.
I’ll calm u down when it will be done.
Numbed across an extremely painful sensation.

Kill it all. One by one.
So stop talking to everyone.
Keep it to yourself and pick me up.
I’ll calm u down when it will be done.
It all seems fun…quickly dumped.
So stop talking to everyone.
Kill it all. One by one.
So stop talking to everyone.
Keep it to yourself and pick me up.
I’ll calm u down when it will be done.

But the flowing blood.
Just makes it worse.
For relieving amount of outburst.
Skin to dirt.
Settle you’re shirt.
All done to a purpose.
To achieve the best amount of pleasure.
I know it’s the worst measure.
I’m trying my best to get better.
But it’s just never…never..whatever.

Out of the box.
Another one deformed.
Slowly to rot.
Waste that just took off.
Worthlessely gone.
Destruction on top.
A failed loss.
A long war fought.
Ultimately all lost.
Broken while was soft.

Written by :- P.S (PATIENT Stan)

Against the skin

1 – come with me, to the Darkside.
I’ll feed you the nasty bits, of the world & it’s lies.
Few only, but corrupted to finalise.
Abused & essentially utilised.
Rotting the sick minds.
Now fucked up, in a state; horrified.
No treatments worked out fine.
Gently slaughtering, the toxic inside.
Voices that never stops, even at nights.

2 – Sleepless.
Woken up, by the urges.
3 am, left, lifeless.
Can’t see, the basic, difference.
Alone, surrendering to madness.
Again & again, made to feel, helpless.
An infection, inside the mind, infested.
A carefully, planted toxic.
Out of control, totally getting wasted.
Loosing all, finally exhausted.
Afraid, maybe addicted.
Numbing pain against anger & hatred.

3 – Just do it,  you don’t have much choices.
Engaging in the, calls of filthy noises.
Next is secretly, never avoid it.
Don’t you, leave it.
Dig deep, with.
Everytime you, feel like shit.
Seeming to, calm you a bit.
Whenever you, pressure the hits.

Against the skin.
Terrified within.
That stitches would ruin.
Everything, Everything.
Against the skin.
Against the skin.
Dig deep, to pain kill, pain kill.
Against the skin.
Never enough, can’t find, a way, out of it, out of it.
Lucidity with blades; lit.
Repressed memories fits.
Everything, Everything.
Against the skin.
Against the skin.

4 – The blind society.
Who call themselves, pretty mighty.
Will loose one day, the variety.
To become open minded & would turn to bigoty.
And will be fooled by, fake assurities.
Being framed by the, media of the mass stupidity.
A system, where no one wants to be.
But still functioning as slaves; accepting the bullshit blindly.
Slowly loosing integrity.
Pariahs to loose the opportunities.
Damaging stigma of disordered duty.
Perception failed to sympathy.
Can’t figure the minds of insanity.
And delirium to lunacy.

Against the skin.
Terrified within.
That stitches would ruin.
Everything, Everything.
Against the skin.
Against the skin.
Dig deep, to pain kill, pain kill.
Against the skin.
Never enough, can’t find, a way, out of it, out of it.
Lucidity with blades; lit.
Repressed memories fits.
Everything, Everything.
Against the skin.
Against the skin.

Written by :- P.S (PATIENT Stan)

A World Full Of Lies. (Title by Rhea Trehan. Written by P.S)

You feel the deep pain.
But the deepness is too dark & unexplained.
Unstoppable nags of shames.
Blades to ultimately wither it all away.
Hate, breeding pure hate; pure self hate.

You want to cry,
But tears don’t fill up the eyes.
Just lost numb, staring at nothing & thinking to die.
As soon as possible take you’re own life.
Betray yourself with the lies.
Whatevers present on the inside.
Eating you’re maniac brains out alive.
Somethings are never good, I am secretly terrified.

An ultimate victim to a world full of lies.
Going deep down to hell; goodbye!.
They say everything, but anyways die.
From the inside.
Hidden pain behind.
Mouth gets dry.
Can’t fucking describe.
Voices in my head winning all the time.
Viciously numbed & getting paralysed.
The inner strength, the inner guide.
Everyday it turning me much more blind.
Can’t trust myself; neither my life.
Bleeding Everyday.
Mind Slaved.
Human brain.
Dissociated to lost ways.

Brainstorms to mindfuck again.
Can’t seem to suppress the hate.
Emotions & feelings abused, mind to get raped.
Uncontrolled anger. Bloodthirsty rage.
Will kill you not today, not tomorrow but someday. Some other day.

What’s you’re issue?
What’s you’re excuse?
I’m gonna reply anger reduced.
Pain to seduce.
Too broken to loose,
Whatever we choose.
Addicted & fooled.
Safety with diabolical rules.
A self destructive child fuelled.
Drag out the fear, but I too confused.
“Hungry for a high”; that’s what it certainly dooes.
REJECT, DENY & MUTE.

Simply A Choice

A room full of mirrors.
a price paid for filthy negation.
intrusions driving towrds failure.
a face covered, masks for variation.
a long long drive; craving insanity contemplation.
What you’re about to dare?
Why do I even care?
it’s out of my head, I can’t figure out, I can’t understand.
breakdown of a powerful will.
a hardly swallowed godamn pill.
recovery not chosen, just forced upon to deal with.
A shotgun held finally to kill.

Out of my own,
Fucking control,
Loosing the paddles;of the stable boat.
A deep long ocean to cross; With compulsive, grinding, self defeating thoughts.
A prison comprising of just 1 slave & 1 boss.

Get rid of it.
Not that easy enough to quit.
Lies deep deep across within.

Can’t even find a place.
To just lie down & sob in shame.
Cut myself, scars of disgrace.
It’s just too late
victim’s too lost now, disorderly fade.

Worthy of nothing.
Didn’t even had the balls to give a fuck about something.
All in all concluded to be negatively rich.
Possessed by an evil, Obidient to a bitch.
Not able to surpress the sudden mood swings.
Don’t speak about this to anyone, she’s whispering.
On the verge, on the brink.
too much hollow, bleak,
weak & rapidly, to shrink.
Infectious mind blacked out on reality to remain more sick.
Worthless piece of fucking lying shit.

one more day gone.
scars to last forever long.
are you goddamn fucking crazy?
thats what people everytime ask me.
a question that certainly pisses off me.
why me? say why me?
so finally.
I deny the right to be.
alive in this reality.
coping inside the ways of insanity.
stuck to measure the scale of my own tragedies.

a storm to arrive however,
the choices again don’t matter.
the spiral will lead you back to wherever,
the fortunate demons that torture whenever,
they feel obliged to harm the victim; satisfying guilty pleasures.
struck in unity, together.
Filthy ways to engange in failure.
A mind altered. A state of condition.
a mirror of reflection, distorted perceptions.
An area of fear, claustrophobic tensions.

people say you deserve by what you do and earn by how you do.
practically you deserve what you don’t but earn a loyal trust, still a fool.
hollow inside, still a noob.
Dumb, moronic bastard, fool.
can’t figure himself out, totally confused.
his weapon of choice, his personal tool.
guilt to cut over his arms, walking with those razors, kept in his shoes,
just infact, all over used.

Written by :- P.S  (PATIENT Stan)