An Agent Of Chaos

a good relationship affected.
after coming to find out the self harm filled with hatred.
a measure simply attained to get wasted.
time & time again
finding new razors, looking for new blades
Tightly clotted hand choosing a vein.
To cut it and bleed cold, lost & deranged.
Considered to be strange.
Alexithymic obstructing ways.
Brain to automate.
thriving on a general state.
distorted perceptions on shapes.
evil inside slowly starts to operate.
all it takes is one fucking bad day.
to reduce the sanest man alive to lunacy & hate.
take the power of the plate away.
mind implied, body to crave.
never give up, but its already too late.
piece of filth just yet another waste.
what was there no more couldn’t be saved.
punish yourself & feel the pain.
thought patterns to self destruction becoming innate.
choose what you can, still you’ll fail.
whats the damn point in trying to be or get saved?
when you know you’re a negative waste of space that has already been frailed.

you feel absolutely flat in any given dimensional space.
Stay sick, stay the same.
locking yourself alone to isolate.
staying away from people inside that mind cage.
leaning again to function on complete rage.
the adrenaline high felt is the best till date.
starving to nil just to feel this way.
the real questions arises of ill? or just simply insane?
infinte amount of hours in therapy spent also lame.
no measures matching up to a cure trying to get saved.
functioning on a high level of psychopathy.
mind to dominate & bully the body.

A pool of filthy blood.
Negotiating with bad luck.
A constant nag, a push, a shove.
Agreed on terms to not give a fuck.
Being depressed is something else.
Turning insane is being possessed.
Held captive by an unknown entity that tests.
the limits and boundaries of absolute stress.
Severe pain nothing felt.
numbed to the senses of lying cold on the bed.
lunacy has no fucking deficiency.
It just remains there like a misery.
A misery leading towards an unknown mystery.
Stay strong.
the crave does not stays for that long.

logicals misinformed to destroy.
a certain deformity that spirals itself in a coil.
fooled to succeed & avoid.
not talking enough, can’t concentrate or guide.
a mechanism that certainly never dies.
once was developed now its completely alive.
I wish that I could once forever close my eyes.
in this culture of the world that made me terrified.
reality dissolved itself focusing to crucify.
a default perception inside,
that destructive, infective mind.
all leaned to seduce the bones and to constantly multiply.
Am I the only one stuck inside this cage where i simply can’t find,
a way out of this misery of mine.
An infection and a disease that hardly is recognized.
when only critical, patient was diagnosed, confirmed after being verified.
Interventions confrontation but rebelled again with lies.
A freak that wasn’t able to prove his point.
that whatever he is doing is just for himself and is completely justified.
people once again were failed to identify.
the underlying root cause to just simply divide.
ripping away a meaningless life.

trying to get the numb high,
on depleted imbalanced electrolytes.
sensation to surpress & deny.
whats all painful certainly mortifies.
killing everything from the inside.
Isolating yourself to hide.
So I’m the agent of chaos.
I’m you’re only boss.
I’m the salvation, I’m the saviour of yours.
You’re truth, for a cause.
Held blind, disruptly misinformed.
A storm of unncecessary baffling thoughts.
Made to surpress, from the inside, from all.
Onto Destroy.
Failing Choice.
Darkness Hides.
Variating on Demise.
Pushing yourself again with the lies.
Chaos to navigate an uncertain dive.

Written by :- P.S (PATIENT Stan)


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