Inexplicably Inevitable

1 – Seen you’ve survived.

So now let’s destroy your night.

Don’t be terrified.

I’m just here for a while.

But I’ll molest you deep from the inside.

Where you won’t be able to recognise.

That I…

Will rip you blind.

So you can carve fine.

Parallel lines.

Failed fight.

High like…

Never mind.

I’m fine.

2 – Sometimes a bubble wrap.

Is all you have.

When you’re getting smashed.

Just too FUCKING fat.

Get yourself trapped.

Kill yourself & never comeback.

Because you’re full of crap.

A monologue in total contact.

Tolerance bursts to act.
3 – Get away from me.

How can you love a freak?

Who is ought to destruct himself completely.

Isolation doesn’t feel lonely.

Sometimes it provides security.

Inexicably.

Inevitably.

Inexpressibly.

When you succeed to hurt me.

Coping becomes nasty.

But I deserve it anyways, no need!

I’m dying already.

Get away from me.

Let me act in, toxically.

Sprinting those razors atrociously.

A wave of silence spreading softly.
Written By P.S. ‘PATIENT’ Stan.

The Quiet Borderline 

Why I’m always so silent. In pic (Kurt Cobain)

 1 – My body shakes.

My head aches. 

I’ve been raped. 

And I’m going to fail. 

Because mind maims. 

Bullied under shame. 

Severe self hate. 

Can’t raise. 

Voice against. 

Madness chased. 

Hidden blades.

  

2 – Fine. 

I’m alright. 

Just a lost fight.  

Blurred sight. 

Now it’s a constant drive. 

Ugly body, pathetic mind. 

Miserable life. 

Opiate eyes. 

Pain behind. 

Tears dry. 

Masked lie. 

But why? 

Anxious to die.

3 – You will be gone soon. 

And I will lock my cocoon. 

Where I will bleed my doom.

So don’t find me and get confused. 

Because suicide is now a loop.

It’s becoming my ultimate truth. 

And I just can’t choose. 

What exactly do I have to prove? 

I’ve failed everything, whatever I’ve been through. 

So don’t look. 

I am a burning book. 

Which will soon. 

Turn to ashes, erasing my proof. 

My existence is mute.

And please don’t look back. 

I’ve already planned my attack. 

I’m sitting with a gun in my hand.

So don’t look back. 

I’m already trapped. 

4 – A woman who tried. 

She took my mask of disguise. 

I painted a picture which she defined. 

Hate which made me defiled.

The misery I tried to hide. 

A disgusting smile. 

Saw my soul through my eyes.

Withering ride.

But I, 

Left her because I, deserve to die. 

The quiet borderline. 

About to pull the trigger…grip on the gun; tight.

The Quiet Borderline.

Who never shined.

Is now terrorised.

Afraid to stay alive.

The Quiet Borderline.

Alone in night.

Jumped down from a height.

The Quiet Borderline.

Written By ‘PATIENT’ Stan.

Meaning – I wrote this to describe quiet borderline personality. Which is quite psychotically more self destructive because a typical BPD sufferer would exhibit acting out, where as a a quiet one will act in. Inducing pain upon themselves. They get unnoticed and it’s sometimes too late for them. 

It’s story about a guy who is struggling from such inner turmoil that he thinks he doesn’t deserve anyone in his life. He gets frightened when people try to get too close to him. He just maintains his distance and avoids contact. He’s sensitive about his scars. But not comfortable in his skin as people keep reminding him to pull his sleeves down. Providing him successfull nostalgia of misery & shame. He feels things intensely and that’s why hate getting attached to someone because he knows it will be a rollercoaster of agonising pain. He’s suicidal and thinks he deserves to die.

Denied

I crave for blades

1 – I feel like.

Treated nice.

Still feeling outside.

Alike.

Dislike.

Rejected by.

Closed. Cried.

Left behind.

Pain to feel alive.

Craving it from the inside.

Denied.

Denied.

Why I Like?

Bleeding lines.

Answer my resolution; find.

Whenever I loose my mind.

Why am I?

So secretive & shy.

Softer sensitive designed.

Damaged kid lies.

To protect others from exposed pain recognised.

There’s a reason to why I hide.

I feel hollow & blind.

Can’t find way…why??

Can’t escape pain…denied.

Beliefs died.

With closed eyes.

Chosen guide.

Depending child.
2 – Mind sick.

Progression quit.

Bloody shit.

What is this???

Cutting bill.

Against will.

Why this???

Will solve anything??

I replied anger within.

Ended with.

Pure adrenaline.

Price of pain to kill.

All the negatives.

Probably best if.

You hide still.

Cuts & all of the disaster pieces.

3 – Seen it, felt it, but a cut to deal with.

Filthy shit.

Relapse bitch.

Pick up with.

Craving a bit.

Good drift.

Across the skin.

Deeper, begin.

One more hit.

Please let it.

Let me do it.

Why stop? I deserve this gift.

To become & turn so much self destructive.

That no one would be able to deal it.

4 – Relapse; Bitch.

C’mon u filth.

Pick it up & feel free if.

You dig deep across your skin.

Blood Wasted.

Insanely tasted.

Pain craveness 

Essential madness.

With cuts, drive away sadness.

Found a new neutral nest.

For the best.

Blood shed.

Loose lets…

Blades net.

For the best.

Visibly Invisible 


1 – Visibly invisible. Can’t keep his own shit together.

Whinning to friends forever.

But turning to be a mean bastard.

Always pushing off people.

Another lying filth cutter.
2 – Aggressions.

Possessions,

All gave up.

Hypocrite,

Guiding others to survival will.

But slowly giving, up all of it.

Depressed…Negative.

Don’t run or else I’ll loose & hit.

Again begin.

To cut a bit.

Inside,

I’ll be shattered to pieces.

But can’t seem to take about friendship.

Delusions of powerful hits.

Wasted.
3 – Visibly Invisible.

Can’t see his own friends, supporting, Order.

Together.

With him, for him, Forever.

Loosing to relapsed & a failure.

Disruption of his own family to disorders.

A failed perception.

Lost Negations.

Mind Surrendered.

To slowly loose & become,

Visibly Invisible.