Out Of My League

1 – Like an object.

Deny the presence.

Bitterly tremendous.

Internalized derailment.

Agonized & tormented.

Dissociative measurements.

Isolatory dominance.
2 – Hate me.

Because you’re out of my league.

Ripping my skin presently.

Reject your greed.

Unexpected needs.

Down on my knees.

But you’re out of my league.

So hate me.

Hate me now, please.

Because you’re out of my league.
3 – I am potentially toxic.

Helplessly fought it.

Still it’s a vicious fix.

Tolerating the hits.

Fading the nasty bits.

I am too ugly & shame filled.

I can’t be fit.

So let me quit.

Wasted drifts.

Landing intensive.

Slow but pervasive.

Isolative.

Hyperly destructive.

Repetitive.
4 – Pop up your meds.

Quite the opposite instead.

Blur & numb.

Probably feeling dumb.

Battles become,

A sticky gum.

Running out of luck.
5 – Fright rate.

Immensely paced.

Tolerate.

This hate.

But can’t wait.

Because it’s now bursting in flames.

In severe rage.

Profound permanent mistake.

Blood on nails.

Pain erase.

Weight gain.

Eating shame.

Mind equates.

Brutal hails.

Monsters made.

Brain opiate.

But still functioning to terminate.
2 – Hate me.

Because you’re out of my league.

Ripping my skin presently.

Reject your greed.

Unexpected needs.

Down on my knees.

But you’re out of my league.

So hate me.

Hate me now, please.

Because you’re out of my league.

6 – Futile.

Reptile.

Terrified.

Losing every fight.

Blades occupy.

To decide.

Depth of the pile.

Boiling & bubbling inside.

Craving it to stay alive.

Lost sight.

Mortified.

Pressuring shine.

Piercing the eyes.

Seduction rise.

Begin the ride.

Individualized.

Secretly quietly contain the size.

Put on your mask of disguise.

And say this to you, leave me blind.

Like a broken string of a kite.

Written by P.S 

Filled With Fat

Perfect is illusion.

1 – Don’t you understand? 

What fills you is fat. 

Godamn. 

Do what you can,  

Just overcome this expand.

With what you have.

Don’t you understand? 

Godamn. 

What fills you is fat.

 

2 – Prepare the mice. 

It will all serve right. 

Until the price. 

Is what we get to describe. 

Too easily to get bribed. 

Too easily madness drives. 

Insane enough that multiples. 

 

3 – Ruining your skin. 

This fat just begins. 

To cover up your shit.

The void is from within.

That needs to be filled. 

Or else it will just stay there like filth. 

Until that, crazy bitch will wipe off my grin.

And will start to feed my mind & my free will.

Slowly she would make me ill. 

Silently she would sit still.

Till her time is at peak and I must be killed. 

On peripheries of numerous thrills.

 

4 – Sleepy, not able to concentrate. 

I still need to lose a few more of my weight. 

But now I’m unable to get my head straight. 

It’s always the blame game. 

Haunting me again & again. 

Nights filled with severe stomach pain. 

Still starving because there’s no other way. 

I still need to lose a few more of my weight. 

Now when I even face food my thoughts run insane. 

Punished by myself by dragging a blade. 

Just to end that shame. 

I turned open, depression’s gate.

And blades became my addiction that never could be explained. 

 

1 – Don’t you understand? 

What fills you is fat. 

Godamn. 

Do what you can,  

Just overcome this expand.

With what you have.

Don’t you understand? 

Godamn. 

What fills you is fat.

Written By P.S 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Mind Slave

I am a slave to my own vile mind.

Loss of mind control. Instead the mind controls.

1 – It was a pleasure living with you.

Lying is what all you made me do.

But now you’re inside of me.

Shouting loud so I could obey all your deeds.

Head full & plates empty.

Cussing friend nagging at me.

What all you can do to make me?

Shattered, broken & insane mentally.
2 – Eat up your loneliness for your only breakfast.

Spending the day in guilt for the meal you ate just.

Eat up your own bloody miseries.

Live upto the standards inside that’s yelling me to be.

Disordered lifestyle.

Scarce fights.

Relapsing again after saying I’m fine.

Motivation to recovery being denied.
3 – Torturous thoughts.

Piling up like a fucking storm.

Give up, give in or give it all.

Whatevers left & what’s all you’ve got.

Tears roll down in fucking silence.

Confused & afraid facing your own worst nightmares.

Help comes in many different ways.

Acceptance of help is itself a big challenge to take.

Even if you get better & maintain your healthy shape.

Chances to relapse always remain.

Which can make you to absolutely degrade.
4 – CHOICES.

VIBES.

A LIVING SLAVE TO A MONSTROUS MIND.

Ripping up whatevers present inside.

You may call it a disease but it’s my life.

Lock & load.

Almost safe to secure.

There’s only one way this story could go.

Voices winning the battles you never ever chose for.

Controlling you between the spaces of your only hopes.

Written by P.S 

Depths Of Suffering

Shadows haunt you.

1 – A war constant against myself.

Can’t find ways to defend.

This demon inside which has possessed.

Making me feel totally helpless.

When I starve, I feel like I’ve achieved a lot.

But certainly paid a very very high cost.

Contributing further to my own personal degrading loss.

The voices go too loud in my head.

They are all making me dead.

Stop bloody ingesting.

Run for the purging.

No matter what I eat,

I couldn’t hold it in, even while being asleep.
2 – I atlast tried hard & finally ate.

But couldn’t stand the fact of feeling full again.

In disgust I threw all the remaining food away.

Powerful voices feeding inside of me.

Hoping for a new start, a new journey.

Even after fucking recovery. 

Discovering the voices back inside of me; hard to beat.

A new truth added towards a ruined destiny.

“Go fuck yourself if you eat.”

“You bloodyshit remain guilty.”

“Without feeling kindness for yourself or sorry.”
3 – Madness as you know is alot like gravity, all it takes is a little push.

Leaving inside of you a self destructive thorny bush.

A victim to a crime totally confused.

Insanity extended functions to maximum use.

Pain accumulates to rip open the wounds.

Severely broken down through  self abuse.

Avoiding everything through being negligent to the truth.

I have lost myself to a stranger, totally fooled.
4 – Severe measures.

Took under desperation.

Persistent hate continues to bother.

Inside the mind, lingering under.

Weakened to the point of fits & seizures.

Detrimental while in starvation period.

Losing all controls on anxiety & fear.

Lying & cheating while in self denial.

Patient relapsed potential death is near.

A silent kill which no one would be able to hear.

Afraid of the voice.

That hides inside.

Dominated by an entity totally unknown.

No one would ever come to finally know.

To what exactly an individual does behind those closed doors.

It appears that a monster is in full control.

Written by P.S 

Precisely Despised

Multiply.
Recognise.
Pain hides.
Scars dry.
Unheard cry.
Numbing high.

You’re surely gonna find.
Not behind the dark side.
Deeper into the dispersed lines.
Where we all refuse & deny.
A pain to end or else panic mortifies.
All of the necessary senses to get high.
Numbed across a pressure; witnessed at hell’s heights.
Isolated Divides.
A demonic stimuli.
Ritualistic deluded guidelines.
Apparently found dead inside.
Despised visions, blurry sight.

Messed up chaos.
All battles lost.
Broken to deform.
All hopes certainly  gone.
Pick up the receiver, pick up the call
Not bitter but surely fine with nailing shots.
Failure & surely a pathetic lost cause.

A certain stage.
A mind cage.
An uncontrolled rage.
Closer to, feel the pain.
Let it out in filthy ways.
Chosen to stay.
Disgusted hate.
Digging a grave.
Changing phase.
Anger range.
Destructive flames.
Fitting frame.
Blindfolded under dark shade.

I don’t care about myself.
I don’t care about my hair.
I don’t care about my skin.
I don’t care about fucking anything.
Godamn it don’t you begin.
Pick me up to deal with everything.

Psyched in not being liked.
Anticipated to push away, from time to time.
Choosing terms to silently die.
All occupied.
Patterns justified.
Dumb fucking mind.
Mirrors. Lies.
Deeper across you may find.
Alienation to get left behind.
A state of control denied.
More than a mechanism, a screaming voice derived.
Precisely despised.
You are making me horrified.
Beat me up & testing my will to utilise and survive.
Corrupting inner conscience to fight.

Obstructing reality.
Blurry calligraphy.
Parallelly nasty.
Lost tragedy.
Fucked up naturally.
And ill mentally.
Will relapse gradually.
Or will suicide quickly.
As a result of feeling guilty.

Daddy dominates.
Mommy fixates.
On a total chaotic waste.
Desperate to operate.
Finding measures to an aid.
Just pretend you’re all fine, pretty much okay.
You know…., you’re own pain.
Destruction rage.
Closer to you’re own ways.
Depression cage.
Filthy shame.
Alcoholic days.
Abused again & again.
Hated myself with more details.
They say times will change.
But how can you say? Really how can you say.
When you’ve beared nothing, just saw a smiling face.
Took pleasures in betraying faith.
Closing eyes towards a world of pain.
Like a puppet, where I was being played.
Not even a field of my game.
Still I took the weight.
Learned from all of the mistakes.
Loved you purely without hate.
But you’re a monster who cannot obey.
Never will have. Never, till date.

Written By :- P.S. (PATIENT Stan)

Perfect Imperfections.

1 – Bodily obsessed.
Freakishly Possessed.
Be thin or you won’t matter with the rest.
Nil to fulfill.
Bridging the gap b/w being mentally Ill.
A lost motivation, a lost will.
The adrenaline rush of panic.
Instable blood pressure due to excessive vomit.
Light headed, feeling cold.
Starve or fail to what you’ve been told.

2 – My life bleeds.
So let me cut, let me bleed.
It makes me feel alive & it’s kind of a release.
Feeling the screams inside that gnaws & feeds.
Leaving there totally helpless indeed.

3 – No matter how you try to accommodate.
Still society will judge you anyways.
It’s rather better to isolate.
Give yourself some breathing space.
Words hurt the sensitive.
No fucking bullshit.
They casually pick up a razor to ease a bit.
No matter what you say, it’ll only give the power to the enemy within.
Unrecognized.
Contaminating insides.
Madness with sharp knives.

4 – Broken Down.
Processing to severely doubt.
C’mon hit me now I say.
Nothings gonna cure me anyways.
Try to remain calm with the blade.
Operate to self hate.
Destroy yourself don’t wait.

5 – On the Outside.
We all smile.
But you don’t have an idea, who’s reality is twisted; downward – Upright.
Don’t talk, just hide.
Don’t show them the scars they’ll cry.
But I bet observing  them, you’re own eyes will be bloodshot red, but dry.
Because the will to survive.
Has now been slaughtered, maimed & is secretly losing fights.
Surrendering all; literally terrified.

6 – Numbed for so long.
Wounds to heal. So do it; perform.
In too deep.
You won’t be able to feel.
That the victim is seriously struggling.
Hiding his scars away to further bleeding.
An addictive healing.
Negatively dealing.
Provided to killing.
Cold chest, heart not beating.
Days passing.
Stuck inside, still failing.
Slowly degrading.

PERFECTLY  FADING…
EFFECTIVELY  IMPERFECTING.
Written By :- P.S  (PATIENT Stan)

Depths Of Suffering

1 – A war, constantly against myself.
Can’t find ways to defend.
This demon inside, which has possessed.
Making me feel totally helpless.
When I starve; I feel like I’ve achieved a lot.
But certainly paid a very very high cost.
Contributing further to my own personal degrading loss.
The voices grow too loud in my head.
Stop ingesting & throw up whatever you’ve been fed.
No matter what I eat.
I can’t stand it even while being asleep.
I finally at least tried hard & ate.
But couldn’t stand the fact making myself feel full again.

2 – So I gave in to the voices inside of me.
Hoping for a change, new start to a new journey.
Even after fucking recovery.
Finding the demons back inside of me: hard to beat.
A new truth added toward a ruined destiny.
Go fuck yourself if you try to eat.
You bloody shit, remain absolutely guilty.
Without feeling kindness for yourself & sorry.
The voices keep yelling at me.
You’re a worthless pathetic freak.
Burning yourself slowly towards reality.

3 – Madness as you know, is a lot like gravity, all it takes is a little push.
Leaving inside of you a thorny bush.
A victim to disorders totally confused.
Insanity extended, functioned to maximum use.
Pain accumulates to rip open the wounds.
Severely broken down to self abuse.
Avoiding thoughts and feelings through being negligent towards the truth.
I have lost myself to a stranger; totally fooled.

4 – Severe measures.
Took under desperation.
Persistent hate continously bothers.
Inside the mind, lingering under.
Weakened to the point of fits & seizures.
Detrimental while in starvation period.
Loosing all controls on anxieties & fears.
Lying & cheating while in self denial.
Patient relapsing, potential death is near.
A silent slaughter, which no one would be able to hear.

Afraid of the voice.
That hides inside.

Dominated by an entity totally unknown.
No one ever finally comes to know.
To what exactly people do behind those doors.
It appears as if a virtual monster is in total control.

Written by :- P.S  (PATIENT Stan)