The Reject

Bhassam hain sab!!!

1 – I am the cheapest.

I am the weakest.

I am the tree nest.

Of ill treatment.

Neat pegs.

Addiction pet. 

Self destruct test.

The Reject.

I am the reject.

2 – Lonely.

Why were you only?

Left with such negativity,

Collapsed heaps.

Borderline Creep.

No sleep.

No dreams.

Can’t meet their eyes. 

Can’t see. 

Can’t feel.

Hydration on low self esteem.

Relapse deeds.

A big sharp shiny steel.

Guilt to the appeals.

Nothing reveals.

Silent screams.

Addiction supreme.

3 – Abandonment victory.

What do you believe?

“A stranger” from the Joker’s philosophy.   

Traces to heal, 

Traces to treat.

BLEED…Moron, FREAK…

Bleed…

Without any pity.

BLEED…Moron, FREAK…

Just bleed.

To treat,

to meet, 

to reach, 

to keep, 

Purposefully.

Atrociously. 

Evil keys.

Of a sanity peace.

Survival grease. 

Leaking gently.

Bandaged hankee.

Still blood red, bed sheets.

Morning peel. 

4 – I am the cheapest.

I am the weakest.

I am the tree nest.

Of ill treatment.

Neat pegs.

Addiction pet.

Self destruct test.

The Reject.

I am the reject.

5 – Alienated.

Isolated.

Unfilterated.

Hated.

Wasted.

Emotions, pasted.

Red fucking humiliate.

Gather around for the race.

Another phase.

Abductive mind games.

Never stops, begun to chase.

What’s your fucking name?

Stan…you’re a big shame.

So now, MAIM.

Maim Motherfucker Maim.

Somehow, escape.

This base.

Failed.

When you’re late.

But Dirt is paid.

Of guilty mistakes.

Self Harm seems to be the only way.

Live your dark days.

But uncertainty remains.

With Slow, poisonous, death’s pace.

6 – I am the cheapest.

I am the weakest.

I am the tree nest.

Of ill treatment.

Neat pegs.

Addiction pet.

Self destruct test.

The Reject.

I am the reject.

Written By ‘Patient’ Stan. (P.S)

 

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Red Coloured Paint (I.A.P.G. Impulse, Action, Pleasure, Guilt)

Impulse (Noun)

A strong and unreflective urge or desire to act.

Action (Noun)

The fact or process of doing something; typically to achieve an Aim.

Pleasure (Noun)

A feeling of happy satisfaction or  enjoyment.

Guilt (Noun)

The fact of having committed something wrong or have implied failure, offence or crime.

Credits: SATI_TheMystique.

Red Coloured Paint (I.A.P.G)
1 – Where will you go?

How will you cope?

When there’s just a fan and a sight of a rope.

And it turns to only one of your remaining last hope.

You start writing suicide notes.

In guilt, when the pain is more.

Earlier than before.
2 – What will you ask for?

Fucking end it all.

With a final call.

A call to make you shock.

A shock to make you knock.

A knock to make you empty like a rock.

An empty rock to make you small.

So small to make you end the pain cause.

A pain cause to build your walls.

With those walls, your mind mauls.

Bloody body is hauled.

Depression knot.

Anxiety clot.

Self harm mock.

Insomniac brawl.
3 – How will you stop?

How will you solve?

How ill, will you fall?

Ravaging dissolve.

Impulse – A Loop, a ball.

A vicious weavement of thoughts.

An Agent Of Chaos.

Action – An arousing pod.

Pleasure – A seductive boss.

Guilt – The splash of the sauce.

Drip – drip.

A releived grin.

Across my chin.

Just lose it.

And stains fill.

Blood on my nail prints.

This man who’s accusative.

Shine of the sedative, palliative.

Mind repetitive.

Screaming,”rule of 10 hits.

You fat bitch!!!

Why did you ingested?”.
Old nightmares haunts with a butcher’s knife.

A rope appearing nearer and nearer with that dreadful smile.

I might kill myself tonight.

Because nothings alright.

So I’ll become the sacrifice.

Modified,

To vice.
4 – It’s no more a game.

When scars begin to fade.

The urges make you vulnerable in shame.

Night time makes,

To lose my shades.

A tool innate.

A tool intricate.

Chugging down liquor generates. 

Unlimited wage.

Of severe self hate.

Precision of my mistakes.

Played, replayed.

Mind Slaved.

Human brain.

Impulse – You can’t wait.

Action – Objection is sustained.

Pleasure – Draining the pain.

Guilt – And the devil rapes.

Time to time, again and again.

Until he mutilates. 

Until I suffocate.

In a RED COLOURED PAINT.
5 – In depth.

My blade lies beside my bed.

A bleeding fest.

Cheek bones bruised red.

From rapid punching of myself.

Only exhaustion left.

Something begins to fade my present.

From the torment.

As many, and when I make more dents.

On my ugly flesh.

Borderline refreshed.

Necessary evil exponent.

Impulse – Self Harm Savage.

Mental Mallet.

Action – Depression Valid.

Tool – kit, Solid.

Pleasure – Annihilation Jotted.

Areas Spotted.

Guilt – Emotions Distraughted.

Visions Distorted.

RED PAINT KNOWLEDGE.

Written By P.S

Pick Up A Blade

1 – Perforate.
Circumspection re-generates.

The one thing you can’t debate.

It dominates.

It’s how they parade.

And they won’t explain.

Until you pick up a blade.

Appears like a bouquet. 

A fragrance that promises to eliminate.

Whatever you pain.

Whatever chews your brain.

Eroding to complicate.

When you pick up a blade.
2 – Digestion frail.

Of better intake.

Everyday when you make.

A promise to yourself that you won’t break.

But till evening there’s just shame.

A provisional trace.

A guaranteed provoke leading to damage.

Whenever you pick up a blade.
3 – This Hate.

This Fate.

This Phase.

What I write is what I live with every single day.

Shamed.

Ashamed.

Guilty Case.

When I will present, you won’t be able to tolerate.

This fuming internalised rage.

Toxically rapes.

Addictevly operates.  

Inside a Mind Cage.
4 – Preferring to turn to a waste.

Battling the race.

Figuratively a broken vase.

Burning concentrates.

Liquid shakes.

Blade pain.

Adrenaline craves.

Nasty marks that fades.

The Mind, The Emotion, The Surface.

Relaxed Base.

Fundamental temperament staring in my face.

Powerfully hallucinate.

Carelessly penetrate. 

Damaged, despised remains.

Anxious in my zone, in my space, in my place.

Whenever I pick up a blade.

Written By P.S

Inexplicably Inevitable

1 – Seen you’ve survived.

So now let’s destroy your night.

Don’t be terrified.

I’m just here for a while.

But I’ll molest you deep from the inside.

Where you won’t be able to recognise.

That I…

Will rip you blind.

So you can carve fine.

Parallel lines.

Failed fight.

High like…

Never mind.

I’m fine.

2 – Sometimes a bubble wrap.

Is all you have.

When you’re getting smashed.

Just too FUCKING fat.

Get yourself trapped.

Kill yourself & never comeback.

Because you’re full of crap.

A monologue in total contact.

Tolerance bursts to act.
3 – Get away from me.

How can you love a freak?

Who is ought to destruct himself completely.

Isolation doesn’t feel lonely.

Sometimes it provides security.

Inexicably.

Inevitably.

Inexpressibly.

When you succeed to hurt me.

Coping becomes nasty.

But I deserve it anyways, no need!

I’m dying already.

Get away from me.

Let me act in, toxically.

Sprinting those razors atrociously.

A wave of silence spreading softly.
Written By P.S. ‘PATIENT’ Stan.

The Quiet Borderline 

Why I’m always so silent. In pic (Kurt Cobain)

 1 – My body shakes.

My head aches. 

I’ve been raped. 

And I’m going to fail. 

Because mind maims. 

Bullied under shame. 

Severe self hate. 

Can’t raise. 

Voice against. 

Madness chased. 

Hidden blades.

  

2 – Fine. 

I’m alright. 

Just a lost fight.  

Blurred sight. 

Now it’s a constant drive. 

Ugly body, pathetic mind. 

Miserable life. 

Opiate eyes. 

Pain behind. 

Tears dry. 

Masked lie. 

But why? 

Anxious to die.

3 – You will be gone soon. 

And I will lock my cocoon. 

Where I will bleed my doom.

So don’t find me and get confused. 

Because suicide is now a loop.

It’s becoming my ultimate truth. 

And I just can’t choose. 

What exactly do I have to prove? 

I’ve failed everything, whatever I’ve been through. 

So don’t look. 

I am a burning book. 

Which will soon. 

Turn to ashes, erasing my proof. 

My existence is mute.

And please don’t look back. 

I’ve already planned my attack. 

I’m sitting with a gun in my hand.

So don’t look back. 

I’m already trapped. 

4 – A woman who tried. 

She took my mask of disguise. 

I painted a picture which she defined. 

Hate which made me defiled.

The misery I tried to hide. 

A disgusting smile. 

Saw my soul through my eyes.

Withering ride.

But I, 

Left her because I, deserve to die. 

The quiet borderline. 

About to pull the trigger…grip on the gun; tight.

The Quiet Borderline.

Who never shined.

Is now terrorised.

Afraid to stay alive.

The Quiet Borderline.

Alone in night.

Jumped down from a height.

The Quiet Borderline.

Written By ‘PATIENT’ Stan.

Meaning – I wrote this to describe quiet borderline personality. Which is quite psychotically more self destructive because a typical BPD sufferer would exhibit acting out, where as a a quiet one will act in. Inducing pain upon themselves. They get unnoticed and it’s sometimes too late for them. 

It’s story about a guy who is struggling from such inner turmoil that he thinks he doesn’t deserve anyone in his life. He gets frightened when people try to get too close to him. He just maintains his distance and avoids contact. He’s sensitive about his scars. But not comfortable in his skin as people keep reminding him to pull his sleeves down. Providing him successfull nostalgia of misery & shame. He feels things intensely and that’s why hate getting attached to someone because he knows it will be a rollercoaster of agonising pain. He’s suicidal and thinks he deserves to die.

Loner By Anxiety 

It doesn’t get better by just merely saying.
Don’t ever leave someone halfway out in the cold.

1 – Isolated destiny. 

Victim to a variety. 

Maximised to tragedies.

Defiled by profanity. 

Peripheries of insanity. 

Disguised in duality. 

Cutting to negativity.

Relapsing to recovery. 

Held back from clarity. 

Rejected by tall trees. 

Which are filled with vanity. 

Casted by their shadows angrily. 

Ultimately. 

Sheltered by a lady. 

A dark unkown entity. 

Who seems to follow & drain me. 

Loner By Anxiety. 

 

2 – Day to day. 

Everything seems to fail. 

Cold yet not brave. 

Held in hand to waste. 

Mind brutally raped. 

A vicious pain. 

Concluding to fade. 

Thrust of a blade. 

Nothing remains. 

When there is shame. 

Dripping blood makes it all go away. 

Thoughts again elevate. 

Destructively they debate. 

Another crave. 

Simply to maintain. 

To decrease the outrage.

Killed by self hate. 

Meter to tolerate. 

Exceeding to operate. 

Cutting again and again. 

 

3 – Eat less. 

It becomes a test. 

Losing becomes a zest. 

A mind – slave to the rest. 

Obidience is the crest.

Endangered bird inside the nest.

Purpose to forget. 

That fat is of help. 

On the war of bloodshed.

Nothing felt. 

Obsessions dreamt. 

Madness to progress. 

Illusion to become the best.  

Controlled & held. 

Inside the cage, dwell. 

 

4 – “Stay strong. 

Hold on. 

You’re not bound. 

Don’t doubt.”

How can you shout?? 

How can you try out?? 

Positive to profound.

When you left me halfway to drought.

Rejecting, left to the foul. 

I am being rotting inside the ground. 

No traces found. 

But I am silently loud. 

So you could figure me out.

Where am I being drowned.

Left alone to a hound. 

Which will soon terminate me for contrvening it’s vow.

 

1 – Isolated destiny. 

Victim to a variety. 

Maximised to tragedy.

Defiled by profanity. 

Peripheries of insanity. 

Disguised in duality. 

Cutting to negativity.

Relapsing to recovery. 

Held back from clarity. 

Rejected by tall trees. 

Which are filled with vanity. 

Casted by their shadows angrily. 

Ultimately. 

Sheltered by a lady. 

A dark unkown entity. 

Who seems to follow & drain me. 

Loner By Anxiety. 

​Posts Filled With Negativity 

1 – Once again I come to you

Hoping to cure my mind abuse.

But surely, I was the fool.

Getting stepped everytime under you’re shoes.
2 – My soul, you saw it naked.

I never at all pretended to fake it.

But you are one lying filth, who’s hypocrite.

Broke me down to fucking pieces.

Which at all, even I never expected.

Confused b/w your words of support & hatred.

Simply turning out to be mean; dismissing my rubbish.
Main Verse – 

Yet again, Judge me.

On sharing idiotic posts filled with negativity.

Like the entire society.

Who has already lost their views on empathy.

Like Them, Judge me.

On sharing idiotic posts filled with negativity.

I was there for you when you needed me.

Clinged onto you, to make you realise, how strong a women could be.

There are people in your life now, so you don’t want me.

I even accept your ignorance kindly.

Yet again, Judge me.

Make me feel guilty.

On sharing idiotic posts filled with negativity.

Ignore the monsters inside of me blindly.

Yet again, Judge me.

On sharing idiotic posts filled with negativity.
3 – You said, I want you to live for me.

How can I? When I’m not at all happy.

You’re just trying to suppress me selfishly.

All I needed was help to find an answer to my own misery.

I can’t seem to control this negativity.

It’s not me, it’s the demons who are fighting against my destiny.

Trying to fight back hard but giving up immidietly.

Merely surviving but living in pure hell practically.

 

4 – A lost tragedy.

Can’t find his way back to gravity.

All I want is to live pain free.

But the monsters keep sticking knives at me.

Sorry, it’s my fault, you are mighty.

And I’m a weak coward who is totally creepy.
5 – Kill the fucking sheep.

Slaughter him & make him bleed. 

Take out you’re personal aggression on him daily.

Take his corpse & dump him secretly.

A bloody toxic negativity.

Sharing idiotic posts filled with negativity.

Apply full on power, I request, “HIT ME”.

BLOODY, “HIT ME”.

Because I share idiotic posts filled with negativity.

Insult my work, I don’t care, I’m already…

Under fucking achieved.

BLOODY, “HIT ME”.

Because I share idiotic posts filled with negativity.

Yet again, Judge Me.

Hit me & kill me.

Because I share idiotic posts filled with negativity.
Written by :- P.S  (PATIENT Stan)