Self Defeat

Eating Disorders are not choices, they choose you. (FACT 101)

SELF DEFEAT.
Written by P.S.
Theme – Depression.

Anxiety.

Eating Disorders.

Self Harm.

Addiction.

Substance Abuse.

(Trigger warning/explicit)
1 – Pierce.

Fierce.

Sounding near.

Smashed rear.

Bleeding ears.

Disgusted fears.

Whorish deer.

Molly becomes a peer.

Downer flame sear.
“Molly” – MDMA. Psychoactive Drug.
2 – Chem. (Short for “chemicals”).

Drug gem.

Spiral bend.

Just pretend.

Focused end.

Depths & dens.

Submerging trench.

Barbaric fence.

Failed defence.

Insomnia strikes.

Mentally blind.

Conclusions, terrified.

Roll the dice.

Pay the price.

Guilt obliged.

Pain??? Right!!!

Blade grind.
3 – Self Defeat.

Social anxiously.

Destructively.

Nervous system disease.

Eat! Bitch! Eat!

My voice begins to screech

My voice begins to creak.

Forcing beat.

Forcing meet.

Of guilt teeth.

Of guilt reach.

Destructively.

Self Defeat.
4 – Food toxification.

Fixations!

Obsessions!

Occasions!

Prohibition.

Dead ambition.

Total restrictions.

Volcanic eruptions.

Open nations.

Chemical patience.

Genetical destruction.

Dissociative concentration.
5 – Self Defeat.

Social anxiously.

Destructively.

Nervous system disease.

Eat! Bitch! Eat!

My voice begins to screech

My voice begins to creak.

Forcing beat.

Forcing meet.

Of guilt teeth.

Of guilt reach.

Destructively.

Self Defeat.

 

End the stigma. Ask a serious sufferer for a better insight on an eating disorder. For the rest its nothing, eating is just another task or not a big deal for them; It’s a war for lifetime for us. Breaking us all slowly even when we try to recover, we have to fight back. It takes a lot believe me, to actually fight the same thing all over again. It stays. Never leaves. And most of all you wonder how long? how long, like this? It’s a serious struggle. Each and every single second, every single day. To live with those voices.
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Quiet

Mahadev 🙏 (S)

Quiet.
Written By P.S.
Theme – Depression.

Anxiety.

Addiction.

Self Harm.

Eating Disorders. 

Mental Health.

(Trigger Warning)

1 – Riot.

Tired.

Anxiety liar.

Insomnia fire.

Blade desire.

Urges higher.

Urges hired.

Blood drier.

Abnoxious surveilled diets.

Everything remains quiet.

Just tired

Just quiet.

2 – Cinematic gleam.

Collapsed heaps.

Bleeding gently.

Bleeding everyday, every week.

Dirty deeds.

Dripping on feet.

Guilt regimes.

Painful screams.

Extraordinary scene.

Of suppressing, relief lean.

Depression clean.

Everything’s red but, the world is again green.

Quietly bring a team.

Bring your needs.

And fall down on your knees.

Bangs on self esteem.

Madness speaks.

Damn! How weak?

How are you so weak??

3 – Riot.

Tired.

Anxiety liar.

Insomnia fire.

Blade desire.

Urges higher.

Urges hired.

Blood drier.

Abnoxious surveilled diets.

Everything remains quiet.

Just tired.

Just quiet.
4 – Trigger table.

Damaged cable.

Vicious enable.

No! Good night, later.

“Haha”, laughs of evil favor.

Nasty galaxy crater.

Supreme fader.

Hate irritator.

Impulse surrender.

Action mender.

Pleasure seductor. 

Guilt rupture.

Possessive structures.
5 – Black and white.
Just fight.

This height.

Misfunctional device.

Vehicle seat belt tight.

On a driving night.

Switch on your headlights.

This is gonna be a nasty ride.

And you might,

You might not even cry.

After its done absolutely right.

Flying like a kite.

Black and white.

Don’t worry! Chew and bite.
6 – Riot.

Tired.

Anxiety liar.

Insomnia fire.

Blade desire.

Urges higher.

Urges hired.

Blood drier.

Abnoxious surveilled diets.

Everything remains quiet.

Just tired.

Just quiet.

Red Coloured Paint (I.A.P.G. Impulse, Action, Pleasure, Guilt)

Impulse (Noun)

A strong and unreflective urge or desire to act.

Action (Noun)

The fact or process of doing something; typically to achieve an Aim.

Pleasure (Noun)

A feeling of happy satisfaction or  enjoyment.

Guilt (Noun)

The fact of having committed something wrong or have implied failure, offence or crime.

Credits: SATI_TheMystique.

Red Coloured Paint (I.A.P.G)
1 – Where will you go?

How will you cope?

When there’s just a fan and a sight of a rope.

And it turns to only one of your remaining last hope.

You start writing suicide notes.

In guilt, when the pain is more.

Earlier than before.
2 – What will you ask for?

Fucking end it all.

With a final call.

A call to make you shock.

A shock to make you knock.

A knock to make you empty like a rock.

An empty rock to make you small.

So small to make you end the pain cause.

A pain cause to build your walls.

With those walls, your mind mauls.

Bloody body is hauled.

Depression knot.

Anxiety clot.

Self harm mock.

Insomniac brawl.
3 – How will you stop?

How will you solve?

How ill, will you fall?

Ravaging dissolve.

Impulse – A Loop, a ball.

A vicious weavement of thoughts.

An Agent Of Chaos.

Action – An arousing pod.

Pleasure – A seductive boss.

Guilt – The splash of the sauce.

Drip – drip.

A releived grin.

Across my chin.

Just lose it.

And stains fill.

Blood on my nail prints.

This man who’s accusative.

Shine of the sedative, palliative.

Mind repetitive.

Screaming,”rule of 10 hits.

You fat bitch!!!

Why did you ingested?”.
Old nightmares haunts with a butcher’s knife.

A rope appearing nearer and nearer with that dreadful smile.

I might kill myself tonight.

Because nothings alright.

So I’ll become the sacrifice.

Modified,

To vice.
4 – It’s no more a game.

When scars begin to fade.

The urges make you vulnerable in shame.

Night time makes,

To lose my shades.

A tool innate.

A tool intricate.

Chugging down liquor generates. 

Unlimited wage.

Of severe self hate.

Precision of my mistakes.

Played, replayed.

Mind Slaved.

Human brain.

Impulse – You can’t wait.

Action – Objection is sustained.

Pleasure – Draining the pain.

Guilt – And the devil rapes.

Time to time, again and again.

Until he mutilates. 

Until I suffocate.

In a RED COLOURED PAINT.
5 – In depth.

My blade lies beside my bed.

A bleeding fest.

Cheek bones bruised red.

From rapid punching of myself.

Only exhaustion left.

Something begins to fade my present.

From the torment.

As many, and when I make more dents.

On my ugly flesh.

Borderline refreshed.

Necessary evil exponent.

Impulse – Self Harm Savage.

Mental Mallet.

Action – Depression Valid.

Tool – kit, Solid.

Pleasure – Annihilation Jotted.

Areas Spotted.

Guilt – Emotions Distraughted.

Visions Distorted.

RED PAINT KNOWLEDGE.

Written By P.S

Pick Up A Blade

1 – Perforate.
Circumspection re-generates.

The one thing you can’t debate.

It dominates.

It’s how they parade.

And they won’t explain.

Until you pick up a blade.

Appears like a bouquet. 

A fragrance that promises to eliminate.

Whatever you pain.

Whatever chews your brain.

Eroding to complicate.

When you pick up a blade.
2 – Digestion frail.

Of better intake.

Everyday when you make.

A promise to yourself that you won’t break.

But till evening there’s just shame.

A provisional trace.

A guaranteed provoke leading to damage.

Whenever you pick up a blade.
3 – This Hate.

This Fate.

This Phase.

What I write is what I live with every single day.

Shamed.

Ashamed.

Guilty Case.

When I will present, you won’t be able to tolerate.

This fuming internalised rage.

Toxically rapes.

Addictevly operates.  

Inside a Mind Cage.
4 – Preferring to turn to a waste.

Battling the race.

Figuratively a broken vase.

Burning concentrates.

Liquid shakes.

Blade pain.

Adrenaline craves.

Nasty marks that fades.

The Mind, The Emotion, The Surface.

Relaxed Base.

Fundamental temperament staring in my face.

Powerfully hallucinate.

Carelessly penetrate. 

Damaged, despised remains.

Anxious in my zone, in my space, in my place.

Whenever I pick up a blade.

Written By P.S

Hands Of  Self Harmer 

When you loose your ends.
  Hands Of Self Harmer.
1)Gaining weight.Unforgiven debate.

With mind of self hate.

Failed 

Yet again 

Failed to contemplate.

In a state.

Bleeding phase.

Anger waste.

Why am I this way? ?

Doubting they,

Have screwed up anyways.

Crying shames.

Guilt days.

Wasted away.
2)What to do??

How to deal?

Builds – up feels.

Anxiety…

Purely variety.

Racing thoughts on duty.

Perception failed to beauty.

Why this way??

Can’t fade.

Stuck today.

Tomorrow’s the same.
3)Emptiness

Numbness 

Calmness

Pain west.

Best dealt.

Measured depths.

Cutting edge.

Sharper than,

Deeper!! damn!!

Bloody hands.
4)Clean up.

Water first.

Remove the leftover.

Dirty filthiest blood.

Wondering what fun.

Suppressed. One. Done.

Over

Shows over.

Hands of a self harmer.

Can’t seem to get it straight, together.

Whatever…

Misinterpreter.

Never…

Stop; 

stay better.

In A While…

ADDICTIONS & CRAVINGS

Pick .

Tricked.

Against skin.

Words fail.

Dying days.

Confused & Dazed.

Meds, take.

But still not okay.
These thoughts.

Appear rocks.

Air to hit across.

Anxiously fought.

Why? Self harm?

Cuze I’m losing apart.

These feelings of emptiness lasts.

Addicted? Or self destructive?

No choices.

Provoking voices.
Party hard.

With blade marks.

Cut deep & sharp.

Deal the dark.

Relapse fast.

Don’t Ask.

It’s undescibed.

Uncategorised.

unrecognized.

unidentified.

Terrified.

Wounded inside.

Lost sight.

Messy right???

Absolutely fine.
In a while…

Surrendering Lines.

Time binds.

Left behind.

Can’t recognise.

Pain to feel alive.

Somethings not right.

Tell me it’s gonna be alright.

But I’m not sure what I.

Will do tonight.

I’ve already planned to hide.