Tag Archives: Eating Disorders

Out Of My League

1 – Like an object.

Deny the presence.

Bitterly tremendous.

Internalized derailment.

Agonized & tormented.

Dissociative measurements.

Isolatory dominance.
2 – Hate me.

Because you’re out of my league.

Ripping my skin presently.

Reject your greed.

Unexpected needs.

Down on my knees.

But you’re out of my league.

So hate me.

Hate me now, please.

Because you’re out of my league.
3 – I am potentially toxic.

Helplessly fought it.

Still it’s a vicious fix.

Tolerating the hits.

Fading the nasty bits.

I am too ugly & shame filled.

I can’t be fit.

So let me quit.

Wasted drifts.

Landing intensive.

Slow but pervasive.

Isolative.

Hyperly destructive.

Repetitive.
4 – Pop up your meds.

Quite the opposite instead.

Blur & numb.

Probably feeling dumb.

Battles become,

A sticky gum.

Running out of luck.
5 – Fright rate.

Immensely paced.

Tolerate.

This hate.

But can’t wait.

Because it’s now bursting in flames.

In severe rage.

Profound permanent mistake.

Blood on nails.

Pain erase.

Weight gain.

Eating shame.

Mind equates.

Brutal hails.

Monsters made.

Brain opiate.

But still functioning to terminate.
2 – Hate me.

Because you’re out of my league.

Ripping my skin presently.

Reject your greed.

Unexpected needs.

Down on my knees.

But you’re out of my league.

So hate me.

Hate me now, please.

Because you’re out of my league.

6 – Futile.

Reptile.

Terrified.

Losing every fight.

Blades occupy.

To decide.

Depth of the pile.

Boiling & bubbling inside.

Craving it to stay alive.

Lost sight.

Mortified.

Pressuring shine.

Piercing the eyes.

Seduction rise.

Begin the ride.

Individualized.

Secretly quietly contain the size.

Put on your mask of disguise.

And say this to you, leave me blind.

Like a broken string of a kite.

Written by P.S 

Inexplicably Inevitable

1 – Seen you’ve survived.

So now let’s destroy your night.

Don’t be terrified.

I’m just here for a while.

But I’ll molest you deep from the inside.

Where you won’t be able to recognise.

That I…

Will rip you blind.

So you can carve fine.

Parallel lines.

Failed fight.

High like…

Never mind.

I’m fine.

2 – Sometimes a bubble wrap.

Is all you have.

When you’re getting smashed.

Just too FUCKING fat.

Get yourself trapped.

Kill yourself & never comeback.

Because you’re full of crap.

A monologue in total contact.

Tolerance bursts to act.
3 – Get away from me.

How can you love a freak?

Who is ought to destruct himself completely.

Isolation doesn’t feel lonely.

Sometimes it provides security.

Inexicably.

Inevitably.

Inexpressibly.

When you succeed to hurt me.

Coping becomes nasty.

But I deserve it anyways, no need!

I’m dying already.

Get away from me.

Let me act in, toxically.

Sprinting those razors atrociously.

A wave of silence spreading softly.
Written By P.S. ‘PATIENT’ Stan.

The Quiet BorderlineĀ 

Why I’m always so silent. In pic (Kurt Cobain)

 1 – My body shakes.

My head aches. 

I’ve been raped. 

And I’m going to fail. 

Because mind maims. 

Bullied under shame. 

Severe self hate. 

Can’t raise. 

Voice against. 

Madness chased. 

Hidden blades.

  

2 – Fine. 

I’m alright. 

Just a lost fight.  

Blurred sight. 

Now it’s a constant drive. 

Ugly body, pathetic mind. 

Miserable life. 

Opiate eyes. 

Pain behind. 

Tears dry. 

Masked lie. 

But why? 

Anxious to die.

3 – You will be gone soon. 

And I will lock my cocoon. 

Where I will bleed my doom.

So don’t find me and get confused. 

Because suicide is now a loop.

It’s becoming my ultimate truth. 

And I just can’t choose. 

What exactly do I have to prove? 

I’ve failed everything, whatever I’ve been through. 

So don’t look. 

I am a burning book. 

Which will soon. 

Turn to ashes, erasing my proof. 

My existence is mute.

And please don’t look back. 

I’ve already planned my attack. 

I’m sitting with a gun in my hand.

So don’t look back. 

I’m already trapped. 

4 – A woman who tried. 

She took my mask of disguise. 

I painted a picture which she defined. 

Hate which made me defiled.

The misery I tried to hide. 

A disgusting smile. 

Saw my soul through my eyes.

Withering ride.

But I, 

Left her because I, deserve to die. 

The quiet borderline. 

About to pull the trigger…grip on the gun; tight.

The Quiet Borderline.

Who never shined.

Is now terrorised.

Afraid to stay alive.

The Quiet Borderline.

Alone in night.

Jumped down from a height.

The Quiet Borderline.

Written By ‘PATIENT’ Stan.

Meaning – I wrote this to describe quiet borderline personality. Which is quite psychotically more self destructive because a typical BPD sufferer would exhibit acting out, where as a a quiet one will act in. Inducing pain upon themselves. They get unnoticed and it’s sometimes too late for them. 

It’s story about a guy who is struggling from such inner turmoil that he thinks he doesn’t deserve anyone in his life. He gets frightened when people try to get too close to him. He just maintains his distance and avoids contact. He’s sensitive about his scars. But not comfortable in his skin as people keep reminding him to pull his sleeves down. Providing him successfull nostalgia of misery & shame. He feels things intensely and that’s why hate getting attached to someone because he knows it will be a rollercoaster of agonising pain. He’s suicidal and thinks he deserves to die.

EAT (Enemy At Therapy)

Enemy Within.

No options.

Failed verifications.

In conclusion.

No questions.

Purging actions.

Bleeding preparations.
Lines of meth.

Self destructive test.

A confined measurement.

Absurdity fed.

Addictive threat.

Kill the help.

Of rehab shed.

Insanity progress.

Happiness theft.

Misery left.

Nothing felt.

Loneliness dealt.

Blades become best friends.

Oo don’t care about yourself.

 I hate me and my existence.

Shame won’t tolerate my presence.

I want to kill myself.
I can’t ever be loved.

Because I am too much.

I self destruct.

Cut my hands to feel numb.

I was played around with my trust.

Mind fucked.

Bad luck?

Absolutely rust.

Rage burst.

Ripping deep for fun.

Dimensions spun.

Crave is a wave of lust.

And you must.

Get it done.
Just for once tell me.

How many?

Benzodiazepine,

Would it take get me relieved.

Insanity feeds.

Mental disease.

Confidence depletes.

A rush when weak.

Felt when stomach is totally empty.

Critically.

Irregularity.

In variety.

It’s totally foul.

Hateful doubts.

Kilos of cocaine, nose drowned.

Black out.

Falling down.

On the ground.

Bleeding skin and dehydrated mouth.

Written by P.S ‘PATIENT Stan’

Fear And Loathing

The mind kills people when depression is on a full time job.

Losing all.

Slowly deform.

It’s your job.

To erase your cause.

Aggression faught.

Precisely called.

Self harm born.

Destructive thoughts.

Can’t control.

Mind vindictiveness propose.

Drag the blade, it’s the cure.

Fading anger, pain pure.

Silenced shore.

Dripping more.

Blood on the floor.

Lose control.

Closed doors.

Failing pattern.

Relapsing flattens.

Total motivation.

Starving purification.

Perverse addictions,

Slaughtering medications.

Anaesthetic sensation.

Survival negation.

An unfortunate situation.

Craving the sensation.

Failed distractions.

Mind distortion.

Fear & loathing progression.

Futile life destruction.

Written by P.S ‘PATIENT Stan’

S.A.S.H (Swimming After Self Harm)

Floating

1 – Make up, mirrors.

Silent killers.

A norm to fit better.

Why is our perception?

Fails when it assures vague redemption.

But that is just torture.

Weakened to surrender.

Words additionally pressures.

Destructive, vigorous measures.
2 – Cold blade.

Suffering pain.

Brutally maimed.

External hate.

Emotional drain.

Absurdily deranged.

On the face.

Slapped with hate.

Blood remains.

Suffering is just an escape.

Reality that you’ve framed.

But you’re just a waste.

Thoughts race.

Self evaluate.
3 – Isolate.

Pain induces escape.

Accept it that you’re afraid.

To live ahead is just not your way.

Suicidal rage.

Mind phase.

Considered again.

Nothing’s the same.

Erase your name.

Your existence, slowly fades.

So why not burn out in that case.

Tried to face.

Fear trembling in my veins.

Skin itching craves.

It’s the biggest mistake.

Picking up the razor sharp blade.

It’s shine seduced me & left me deranged.

Swimming after every cut made.

Blood cascades.

Seized up brain.

Numb the weight.

Dirty game.

Failed 

Written by P.S. 

Thin DisciplineĀ 

Thought patterns.

1 – Thoughts.

Fought.

Still not,

Concealment to chaos.

Dirty job.

Relapse fall.

Vicious call.

Deterioration to deform.
2 – Eat nothing.

All it takes is discipline.

Insanity drift.

Progressed to shift.

Starving will.

Hunger kill.

Slowly begin.

Breathe thin.

Negative binge.
3 – Tolerate.

Seeming to fail.

Pick up the blade.

Slash the pain.

Lacerate.

Fat Shame.

Self Hate.

Pathetic Waste.

Degrade.

Crave.

Again.

Can’t terminate.

This eyeless rage. 

Hands shake.

Anxious to mutilate.
4 – Motivation to dissociation.

Mind losing it’s formation.

Occupied obsession.

Agonising destination.

Purge redemption.

Sardonic variation.

Lethal provocation.

Cutting contemplation. 

Guilty exoneration.
5 – In session.

Stomped by depression. 

Waves of possession.

Anger suppression.

Erupting vibrations.

Mind toxification.

Corrupt perceptions.

Disciplined verifications.

Skin mortification.

Written by P.S – ‘PATIENT’ Stan