Self Defeat

Eating Disorders are not choices, they choose you. (FACT 101)

SELF DEFEAT.
Written by P.S.
Theme – Depression.

Anxiety.

Eating Disorders.

Self Harm.

Addiction.

Substance Abuse.

(Trigger warning/explicit)
1 – Pierce.

Fierce.

Sounding near.

Smashed rear.

Bleeding ears.

Disgusted fears.

Whorish deer.

Molly becomes a peer.

Downer flame sear.
“Molly” – MDMA. Psychoactive Drug.
2 – Chem. (Short for “chemicals”).

Drug gem.

Spiral bend.

Just pretend.

Focused end.

Depths & dens.

Submerging trench.

Barbaric fence.

Failed defence.

Insomnia strikes.

Mentally blind.

Conclusions, terrified.

Roll the dice.

Pay the price.

Guilt obliged.

Pain??? Right!!!

Blade grind.
3 – Self Defeat.

Social anxiously.

Destructively.

Nervous system disease.

Eat! Bitch! Eat!

My voice begins to screech

My voice begins to creak.

Forcing beat.

Forcing meet.

Of guilt teeth.

Of guilt reach.

Destructively.

Self Defeat.
4 – Food toxification.

Fixations!

Obsessions!

Occasions!

Prohibition.

Dead ambition.

Total restrictions.

Volcanic eruptions.

Open nations.

Chemical patience.

Genetical destruction.

Dissociative concentration.
5 – Self Defeat.

Social anxiously.

Destructively.

Nervous system disease.

Eat! Bitch! Eat!

My voice begins to screech

My voice begins to creak.

Forcing beat.

Forcing meet.

Of guilt teeth.

Of guilt reach.

Destructively.

Self Defeat.

 

End the stigma. Ask a serious sufferer for a better insight on an eating disorder. For the rest its nothing, eating is just another task or not a big deal for them; It’s a war for lifetime for us. Breaking us all slowly even when we try to recover, we have to fight back. It takes a lot believe me, to actually fight the same thing all over again. It stays. Never leaves. And most of all you wonder how long? how long, like this? It’s a serious struggle. Each and every single second, every single day. To live with those voices.
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​My Psychedelic Third Eye.

III

1 – Every time. 
All the time.

Psychedelically refined.

Psychedelically binds.

Saving me from my demise.

Making me realise, she knows how to love right.

100% truth and no lies.

Lust can’t pollute these skies.

My love I rely.

On your laps where I can cry.

Where she rectifies.

Sterilize. 

The evil that underlies.

The evil which is oversized.

Not an object, not a device.

She’s different and she’s wise.

I promise to improvise.

My love you make me feel alive.

A reject, which you never deny.

Can’t you be mine?

My Psychedelic Third Eye.
2 – In my battle symphonies.

You are the key.

Rudimentary,

She’s my drug, she’s my belief, she’s my need.

Sacred purity.

My love and my strength but positively,

You turn my knees,

Psychedelically weak.

Your extravagant art is contemporary.

Your exclusive art is my destiny.

Your dark art is my shield.

What I always obsess and dream.

Found myself when I fell on your leaf.

Amplified bass Psychedelically. 

Soft delicacy.

Settling my darkness with peace.

Negotiating treaties.

Of an innocent humanity.

I see something extraordinary,

If you believe.

I’m black and white but you’re my  colourful creed.

My Sati The Mystique.

My Goddess, My Navy Seal, My breathing submarine.

You are perfect and I’m the one who’s a freak.

I’ve fallen for your soul’s immortality.

It’s your soul, I feel and not just your body, I see.

What I think is I don’t even deserve you personally.

Because I’m such a negative, dark, contaminated, toxic entity.

Who isn’t worth for anybody.

Especially,

For you I’m damaged and too messy.

Who is essentially. 

A lost tragedy.

Who is a screw up in bio chemistry.

Ridiculed mentally.

Only you can save me Sati, my goddess, my almighty. 
3 – Your strong, unbreakable Vibes.

Is the one presence I can’t overlook nor deny.

Your pain is what I prioritise. 

What I personally want to fight.

Your flowing blood is my lifeline.

How can I lie?

That you’re starting to dominate every single corner of my mind.

A zone which can’t be verified.

Which can’t be described.

Let me reach you, let me help you when you’re not feeling fine.

Psychedelically Refined.

Psychedelically Binds.

My prime.

My rhyme.

Every time.

All the time.

Saving me from my demise.

Can’t stay lonely any longer, my sweetest beautiful butterfly. 

If you’ll leave me aside.

I promise to isolate myself, destroy and die.

Can’t you be mine?

My Psychedelic Third Eye.

Psychedelia! Boom

Written By P.S for Sati_TheMystique.

Delightfully Kill

The Psychedelic Experience (Sati_TheMystique) SOUL CONNECTION

1 – Delightfully kill.
Brain drilled.

Mind thrilled.

Body chills.

Murder within.

Evil springs.

Positive.

Reflective.

Imaginated.

Resurrected. 

Love injected.

Hate rejected.
2 – Ate in your dimension.

Stayed in your caring sessions.

Humble transformations.

Logical informations.

Can’t I stay?

Can’t I crave.

To grab your hand, my pure authenticate.

My pure flower vase.

Your gentle touch is my strong coffee  and my psychedelic bass.

And your gaze.

It gnaws my base.

Like floating in another dimensional aerospace. 

Knees weak but my anxiety fades.

You are my medical aid.

Sati, you are my own 1000 details.

I’ve fallen for an entire soul galaxy and not just only a beautiful body or a face.

Which the world usually quotes and  says.

No matter what, you are my becoming my life, you could never be replaced.

Rest my head on your lap and heal me with your tight embrace.

Can’t I stay?

Can’t I crave?

Or is it too late?

Who is a self hated mental case?
3 – Delightfully kill.

Brain drilled.

Mind thrilled.

Body chills.
4 – A chaos within the skin.

A gentle flow of the wind.

An obsessive brain binge.

Mental syringe.

Affections infringe.

But can’t convince. 

Physically vibrate with continuous sudden flinch.

So, my heart, it’s yours, and you’re only imprinted.

You’re my centre and not just my brim.
5 – Delightfully kill.

Brain drilled.

Mind thrilled.

Body chills. 

From the hills.

Hold my hand, hold my bleeding wrists.

And delightfully kill. 

The evil which resides within.

Left (Patient Stan) Right (Sati_TheMistique)

Written by P.S for SATI_TheMystique.

Pick Up A Blade

1 – Perforate.
Circumspection re-generates.

The one thing you can’t debate.

It dominates.

It’s how they parade.

And they won’t explain.

Until you pick up a blade.

Appears like a bouquet. 

A fragrance that promises to eliminate.

Whatever you pain.

Whatever chews your brain.

Eroding to complicate.

When you pick up a blade.
2 – Digestion frail.

Of better intake.

Everyday when you make.

A promise to yourself that you won’t break.

But till evening there’s just shame.

A provisional trace.

A guaranteed provoke leading to damage.

Whenever you pick up a blade.
3 – This Hate.

This Fate.

This Phase.

What I write is what I live with every single day.

Shamed.

Ashamed.

Guilty Case.

When I will present, you won’t be able to tolerate.

This fuming internalised rage.

Toxically rapes.

Addictevly operates.  

Inside a Mind Cage.
4 – Preferring to turn to a waste.

Battling the race.

Figuratively a broken vase.

Burning concentrates.

Liquid shakes.

Blade pain.

Adrenaline craves.

Nasty marks that fades.

The Mind, The Emotion, The Surface.

Relaxed Base.

Fundamental temperament staring in my face.

Powerfully hallucinate.

Carelessly penetrate. 

Damaged, despised remains.

Anxious in my zone, in my space, in my place.

Whenever I pick up a blade.

Written By P.S

In Your Shawl

You keep Loving, Touching & Teaching a lot to me Ms. Kajal Sharma.

1 – I got.
The value, when I came across,

Whatever you did, whatever is yours.

And you understood a Patient’s negative thoughts,

Like an elder sister, like for a good cause.

And held me when I felt lost.

Embrace, you are my sweetest corn.
2 – Brain stormed. 

But you will pick me up when I fall.

Like a sick infant, like his own anxious Mom.

And will wrap me up in your shawl.

When everything seems gone.

My Trap Bass. My lyrical Hip Hop. I will praise you, full – on.
3 – You are so very confident.

Totally represent,

Empathy scent.

And your qualities are some of the most inspiring content.

You’ve personally helped.

I’ve personally felt.

And seeing you, my heart just melts.

Because you keep teaching me by living your life’s quest.

Treasured memories, treasured measurements.

Honoured to have such a pure friend.
4 – So,

Kajal Sharma. 

The lava, the magma.

Your persona.

Is made from a, 

Diverse chroma.

Like in music, there’s Madonna.

Like in sentences for continuation, we use commas.

The flora and the fauna.

You’re so delightful Ms. Kajal Sharma. 
5 – Brain stormed. 

But you will pick me up when I fall.

Like a sick infant, like his own anxious Mom.

And will wrap me up in your shawl.

When everything seems gone.

My Trap Bass. My lyrical Hip Hop, I will praise you, full – on.
When everything seems gone.

Wrap me up gently, in your shawl.

When I slip and fall.
6 – Comfort, in your shawl.

Warmth, in your shawl.

Strength, in your shawl.

Love, in your shawl.

Acceptance, in your shawl.

Healing and recovering, in your shawl.
So when everything seems gone wrong.

And these urges who will try hard, to make me fall.

Hold my bleeding cause and make me open up, make me talk.

Gently wrap me up, in your shawl.

Like a sick infant, like his own anxious Mom.

All secured…

In your shawl.
Written By P.S for Kajal Sharma. For her Birthday.

 

The Black Fever

And she keeps aiming for the highest (Honoured) Ms. Sanjoly Agrawal

1 – Proud.
To announce.

That I’ve found.

A friend who clears my doubts.

And helps whenever I can’t come out,

From a destructive patter loud.
2 – And she makes me realise,

That I can indeed feel & cry,

Whenever I’m empty inside.

And she pushes me so I can fly.

And not to isolate myself or hide.

A motivation, that’s hard to find.

She has opened my eyes.

Through her Love I will fight,

These voices, which sometimes,

Turns me blind.
3 – She is my black fever.

She is my soul teacher.

She is my deep reacher.

She is my property healer.

The most beautifully gorgeous creature.

She is the queen cleaner,

Of a damaged heat seeker.

Calming weaver.

The Black Fever.
4 – A force to be reckoned with.

A power which is real and not just a myth.

You are imperative.

You are strategic.

Blessed with a lot of gifts.

And you are the most basic,

Definition of intrinsic,

Fulfilment of happy wishes.

A prospective of positives.
3 – She is my black fever.

She is my soul teacher.

She is my deep reacher.

She is my property healer.

The most beautifully gorgeous creature.

She is the queen cleaner,

Of a damaged heat seeker.

Calming weaver.

The Black Fever.
Written By (P.S) for Sanjoly Agrawal. 

EMBRACE

Sista with curls😉 (Kajal Sharma)

1 – Embrace.
Just wait.

Life’s not a race.

Dance with grace.

You will never fade.

You will always prevail.

Because you are not just a shape.

You are preciously humane.

In the most kindest way.

And I wish you solace every single day.
2 – Kajal, when you hug.

I feel that toxic bug,

That have created inner ruckus.

Draining out of me and I forget that maybe I’m cursed.

And you pulchritudionously accept my perks.

A bubble you’re successful to burst.

Hate dismissed and I feel Loved.

You have indeed touched.

And your embrace is like a mother’s trust.

The best, cure from the worst.
3 – You practically EMBRACED.

Who’s fate…

Appeared to become a waste.

And I’m sure you will save,

Healing it within your angel arms which I certainly crave.

Without it I would’ve not been okay.

But I’m not just only okay.

Because your EMBRACE,

It softens my innermost hidden place.

And you leave a pretty paint,

Drawing out my interior rage.
4 – Embrace.

Kajal when you hug, I feel a lot less like a waste.

A glitch that forgets even his own name.

But you trade,

With a mind – slaved,

Human brain.

Embrace.

Take my pain.

Embrace.

You’re my ecstatic wave.

Embrace.

You’re my psychedelic rave.

Embrace.

Because it’s your intrinsic love to express & to communicate.
(Written By P.S For Kajal Sharma)