Don’t Know

Humane.
Recognizably failed.

To cease the pain.

Slaughter to fulfill the shame.

Begin the game.

Dehumanized.

Now left with dead insides.

My last ray of hope.

It is now a rope.

Suicidal Notes.

Looping jolts.

Pinching cold.

All over like before.

Intensely more.

This time chose.

Misery rose.

Vulgar cope.

Sober gore.

Deep in hole.

And I clearly don’t know.

No one can love me.

No one deserves a freak.

I am my own worst enemy.

And internalized anger bursts immediately.

Out on the skin efficiently.

Raped brutally.

Bleeding mercilessly.

End this symphony.

End this misery.

Don’t want life anymore, seriously.

And I don’t know how else to deal.
Written by P.S.

EAT (Enemy At Therapy)

Enemy Within.

No options.

Failed verifications.

In conclusion.

No questions.

Purging actions.

Bleeding preparations.
Lines of meth.

Self destructive test.

A confined measurement.

Absurdity fed.

Addictive threat.

Kill the help.

Of rehab shed.

Insanity progress.

Happiness theft.

Misery left.

Nothing felt.

Loneliness dealt.

Blades become best friends.

Oo don’t care about yourself.

 I hate me and my existence.

Shame won’t tolerate my presence.

I want to kill myself.
I can’t ever be loved.

Because I am too much.

I self destruct.

Cut my hands to feel numb.

I was played around with my trust.

Mind fucked.

Bad luck?

Absolutely rust.

Rage burst.

Ripping deep for fun.

Dimensions spun.

Crave is a wave of lust.

And you must.

Get it done.
Just for once tell me.

How many?

Benzodiazepine,

Would it take get me relieved.

Insanity feeds.

Mental disease.

Confidence depletes.

A rush when weak.

Felt when stomach is totally empty.

Critically.

Irregularity.

In variety.

It’s totally foul.

Hateful doubts.

Kilos of cocaine, nose drowned.

Black out.

Falling down.

On the ground.

Bleeding skin and dehydrated mouth.

Written by P.S ‘PATIENT Stan’

Fear And Loathing

The mind kills people when depression is on a full time job.

Losing all.

Slowly deform.

It’s your job.

To erase your cause.

Aggression faught.

Precisely called.

Self harm born.

Destructive thoughts.

Can’t control.

Mind vindictiveness propose.

Drag the blade, it’s the cure.

Fading anger, pain pure.

Silenced shore.

Dripping more.

Blood on the floor.

Lose control.

Closed doors.

Failing pattern.

Relapsing flattens.

Total motivation.

Starving purification.

Perverse addictions,

Slaughtering medications.

Anaesthetic sensation.

Survival negation.

An unfortunate situation.

Craving the sensation.

Failed distractions.

Mind distortion.

Fear & loathing progression.

Futile life destruction.

Written by P.S ‘PATIENT Stan’

Self Harm

Mind Of A Self Harmer. Also known as self injury or self mutilation.

Scars, scars.

Fading scars.

Created in the dark.

They’re the marks.

Of the battles that tore me apart.

When I was weak, when I was far.

In the abyss terrified in the heart.

Shivering in pain that everytime marked.

My blood flowing down my arms.

Once used to relieve me from the past.

Or the silent screams inside me feeding my yard.

Pushed me into a deeper state that caused me more to harm.

Felt guilty, which was once where I’d start.

To create lines which were deep and sharp.

Carelessly I punished myself for being a part.

In disobeying my monster that circled most of my hours.

Always shouting to me, “I’m the one who’s incharge.”

Playing with me, “I’m the boss”, card.

When it was late night, I woke up to her evil laughs.

When I was awake, she abused me, till I agreed with her, riding in her car.

Then she happily handed me a blade, promising that it’s her cure, to relieve me fast.

I was unaware, that it was her trick, to make me her slave with one of her tasks.

To keep me restraint, in chains, inside her steel bars.

Once I was hooked, it was all a game known as SELF HARM.

Written by P.S. (PATIENT Stan)

(Self Harm is a serious problem, existing among all, both young & adults. It is a coping mechanism & a serious addiction. Yes it is similar to a heroin addiction. All it takes is just 1 cut to get completely hooked to it.)

In dedication to all those who harm themselves, know that you’re not alone and there’s always a cure to this problem. 

Relapse Fraud (2nd part of Relapse Deed)

3 months clean, now I’m losing it all.

 

Don’t lose it all. 

Whatever you did for a cause.

Remember the slips & falls. 

Till now you were strong. 

But it’s all gone. 

Slowly getting deformed. 

Hands once again perform. 

The filthy deed that calls. 

Time to stop the job. 

Relapsing fraud. 

 

Yet again. 

3AM phase. 

Darkness remains. 

Fighting again, shame. 

Withering migraine. 

Poisoning brain. 

Mind that contains. 

Counting the days. 

Everything becomes waste. 

Can’t face. 

Damaged permanently; too late. 

Recovery breaking game. 

Bitter eroding taste.

Pathetic fail.

Craved for blades. 

Relapsing gate. 

 

Can’t decide. 

What is wrong, what is right? 

All I can do is fight. 

But the craves provide. 

A sense to lose the night. 

Nothing seems purified. 

Thoughts defile. 

Suicidal fright. 

Shaky hands can’t recognise. 

Deep into the skin, bite. 

All of a sudden everythings behind. 

Dripping blood describes. 

Relapsing with time.

Again turned blind. 

Just to feel alive. 

 

One cut’s sensation is high. 

Going for yet another ride. 

Depressive guide. 

Ending the pride. 

Just to stay alive. 

Killing the light. 

Which once shined. 

Relapsing becomes a bribe. 

Bleeding vile.

Another game to hide. 

Anxiety relieved by surprise. 

But it pulled the trigger to disguise.

Just to stay alive. 

 

Don’t lose it all. 

Whatever you did for a cause.

Remember the slips & falls. 

Till now you were strong. 

But it’s all gone. 

Slowly getting deformed. 

Hands once again perform. 

The filthy deed that calls. 

Time to stop the job. 

Relapsing fraud. 

 

Written by P.S  

 

 

 

 

Unfortunates Of The Night (Title by Flip Dippity)

Well we always do but it never seems to happen
Place your feet in my shoes and see. (Idol)

1 – Antisocial Tendencies.

What about me?

Ignore the bloody.

Criticise the feel.

What we’re not able to deal.

Only we know please.
2 – We are not blind.

Just have lost focus out of sight.

All we wanna do is die.

Call us unfortunates of the night.

We only know, how we fight.

Urges & enemies that together shout & collide.

My destiny abrupted behind.

So, I ask you how many times?

You’ve wondered I’m fine.

I’m not right. Tell me I’m not right.
3 – Soaked in blood.

I don’t care to give a fuck.

All I know how to self destruct.

Magnet to bad luck.
Yes, I will run.

Yes, I will hide.

Testing my will to attempt suicide.

Don’t get surprised.

When one day for surely I will definitely die.

Unfortunates of the night??

We are the victims of our own mind.

That practically survived.

The night phase of pressuring fights.

So, how many times??? I ask you.

With your phone called me to know I’m alright.

Don’t criticise.

Nor quote it like,

That the truth seemed denied.

Cuze only I know one day I won’t survive.

Relapsed derived. 

Precisely wounded inside.

Cutting outside.
4 – Antidote, to my physical pain.

Becomes my only last hopes.

You don’t know.

What all I’ve been through before.

So leave me alone.

Cuze you don’t know.

Nor I choose to ignore.

Never took you lightly for sure.

Just bored.

Push & show.

Careless notes.

Pain is my antidote.

Pain is my last hope.

Writing careless notes.

Like I used to always show.

To pretend my pain is hollow.

It’s nothing, it pure.

Self hate of bleeding floors.

Suicidal Groove

Both are fatal together. It’s like drinking a glass full of venom.

Look what you’ve done.

Scars they’ve become. 

Pain formation. 

As the depression. 

Strikes and triggers. 

Straight lines you’ve written. 

All over your body to numb. 

My heart it dosen’t beat, it thumps. 

Afraid that I might again fuck up.

 

Anxieties. 

Slowly felt as night creeps. 

What should I do for my destiny? 

I don’t have an idea what I might be. 

Failure seems.

All I have been. 

Damaged permanently. 

Destroying me. 

Slowly and completely. 

A mind that seeks. 

Self hatred beliefs. 

 

I am confused. 

What should I do? 

I am dumb, a big fool. 

Everythings to prove. 

That I can’t escape the loop. 

Pretending that I would. 

But I really can’t, I should.

Escape from a move. 

Suicidal groove. 

I am chaos, is the truth. 

Digging deeper with fruits. 

That are already rotten in mood. 

 

Thoughts to ruin. 

Inner hell shooting. 

Brain confusing. 

Illusion booming.

Reality frightening. 

Painfully living. 

Hopelessly surviving. 

One day I might be ending. 

All of the losing. 

Lost wars deepening. 

Shadows of feelings. 

Negatively dealing. 

Totally Enganging.

Into cutting.

Towards one more; rushing.

Mark of the blade sweeping. 

Blood flowing. 

Relief gaining. 

Nerves bleeding. 

Suicidal grooving. 

 

I am confused. 

What should I do? 

I am dumb, a big fool. 

Everythings to prove. 

That I can’t escape the loop. 

Pretending that I would. 

But I really can’t, I should.

Escape from a move. 

Suicidal groove. 

Written by P.S 

The equation automatically fucks up your present. What is good then? Answer: NOTHING IS.