Tag Archives: Social anxiety

Inexplicably Inevitable

1 – Seen you’ve survived.

So now let’s destroy your night.

Don’t be terrified.

I’m just here for a while.

But I’ll molest you deep from the inside.

Where you won’t be able to recognise.

That I…

Will rip you blind.

So you can carve fine.

Parallel lines.

Failed fight.

High like…

Never mind.

I’m fine.

2 – Sometimes a bubble wrap.

Is all you have.

When you’re getting smashed.

Just too FUCKING fat.

Get yourself trapped.

Kill yourself & never comeback.

Because you’re full of crap.

A monologue in total contact.

Tolerance bursts to act.
3 – Get away from me.

How can you love a freak?

Who is ought to destruct himself completely.

Isolation doesn’t feel lonely.

Sometimes it provides security.

Inexicably.

Inevitably.

Inexpressibly.

When you succeed to hurt me.

Coping becomes nasty.

But I deserve it anyways, no need!

I’m dying already.

Get away from me.

Let me act in, toxically.

Sprinting those razors atrociously.

A wave of silence spreading softly.
Written By P.S. ‘PATIENT’ Stan.

The Quiet Borderline 

Why I’m always so silent. In pic (Kurt Cobain)

 1 – My body shakes.

My head aches. 

I’ve been raped. 

And I’m going to fail. 

Because mind maims. 

Bullied under shame. 

Severe self hate. 

Can’t raise. 

Voice against. 

Madness chased. 

Hidden blades.

  

2 – Fine. 

I’m alright. 

Just a lost fight.  

Blurred sight. 

Now it’s a constant drive. 

Ugly body, pathetic mind. 

Miserable life. 

Opiate eyes. 

Pain behind. 

Tears dry. 

Masked lie. 

But why? 

Anxious to die.

3 – You will be gone soon. 

And I will lock my cocoon. 

Where I will bleed my doom.

So don’t find me and get confused. 

Because suicide is now a loop.

It’s becoming my ultimate truth. 

And I just can’t choose. 

What exactly do I have to prove? 

I’ve failed everything, whatever I’ve been through. 

So don’t look. 

I am a burning book. 

Which will soon. 

Turn to ashes, erasing my proof. 

My existence is mute.

And please don’t look back. 

I’ve already planned my attack. 

I’m sitting with a gun in my hand.

So don’t look back. 

I’m already trapped. 

4 – A woman who tried. 

She took my mask of disguise. 

I painted a picture which she defined. 

Hate which made me defiled.

The misery I tried to hide. 

A disgusting smile. 

Saw my soul through my eyes.

Withering ride.

But I, 

Left her because I, deserve to die. 

The quiet borderline. 

About to pull the trigger…grip on the gun; tight.

The Quiet Borderline.

Who never shined.

Is now terrorised.

Afraid to stay alive.

The Quiet Borderline.

Alone in night.

Jumped down from a height.

The Quiet Borderline.

Written By ‘PATIENT’ Stan.

Meaning – I wrote this to describe quiet borderline personality. Which is quite psychotically more self destructive because a typical BPD sufferer would exhibit acting out, where as a a quiet one will act in. Inducing pain upon themselves. They get unnoticed and it’s sometimes too late for them. 

It’s story about a guy who is struggling from such inner turmoil that he thinks he doesn’t deserve anyone in his life. He gets frightened when people try to get too close to him. He just maintains his distance and avoids contact. He’s sensitive about his scars. But not comfortable in his skin as people keep reminding him to pull his sleeves down. Providing him successfull nostalgia of misery & shame. He feels things intensely and that’s why hate getting attached to someone because he knows it will be a rollercoaster of agonising pain. He’s suicidal and thinks he deserves to die.

Mock Us!

Voices

1 – Society mock us.

Our own thoughts gathers dust.

Convincing that we aren’t essential.

On our knees we surrender.

No one knew that we battled depression.

We’re haunted by unknown aggression.

And our addiction eats us.

Transforming the chemicals.

Inside our brain, the anatomical formation,

It slowly weakens our position.

Profane digestion. 

How can we reach out? When there’s just accusations.
Even after we die, people mock us.

So how can we open up?

Who can we trust?

When we’re tortured by pessimism.

We’re locked in a unknown prison.

2 – For once I wish, I could open my eyes.

My reality is too damn hard to describe.

When I’ve been framed by my own lies.

There’s only one thing in my mind.

A lifeless body is just existing & my mind provokes me to die.

2 bloody sensations, hypersensitive or dead inside.
Tell me how should I fight?

Even after my death you’ll all failed to recognise.

That each breath that I took, I was getting terrified.

So I took a jump to just make it right.

But I was too sick to verify.

Just to end the pain I took that flight.

All of you abuse me but none heard my cries.

Written by P.S 

Esp. for the souls who took their own lives and the rest others, just judged them further for that itself.

Society, community, culture and with lack of understanding; people often feel threatened in a way to talk about it. It’s not upto them but us to get more involved & talk to them more often, so they feel different and more lives could be saved. Even if we fail to do so we must not mock them further.

R.I.P Arjun Bhardwaj. 

Unfortunates Of The Night (Title by Flip Dippity)

Well we always do but it never seems to happen

Place your feet in my shoes and see. (Idol)

1 – Antisocial Tendencies.

What about me?

Ignore the bloody.

Criticise the feel.

What we’re not able to deal.

Only we know please.
2 – We are not blind.

Just have lost focus out of sight.

All we wanna do is die.

Call us unfortunates of the night.

We only know, how we fight.

Urges & enemies that together shout & collide.

My destiny abrupted behind.

So, I ask you how many times?

You’ve wondered I’m fine.

I’m not right. Tell me I’m not right.
3 – Soaked in blood.

I don’t care to give a fuck.

All I know how to self destruct.

Magnet to bad luck.
Yes, I will run.

Yes, I will hide.

Testing my will to attempt suicide.

Don’t get surprised.

When one day for surely I will definitely die.

Unfortunates of the night??

We are the victims of our own mind.

That practically survived.

The night phase of pressuring fights.

So, how many times??? I ask you.

With your phone called me to know I’m alright.

Don’t criticise.

Nor quote it like,

That the truth seemed denied.

Cuze only I know one day I won’t survive.

Relapsed derived. 

Precisely wounded inside.

Cutting outside.
4 – Antidote, to my physical pain.

Becomes my only last hopes.

You don’t know.

What all I’ve been through before.

So leave me alone.

Cuze you don’t know.

Nor I choose to ignore.

Never took you lightly for sure.

Just bored.

Push & show.

Careless notes.

Pain is my antidote.

Pain is my last hope.

Writing careless notes.

Like I used to always show.

To pretend my pain is hollow.

It’s nothing, it pure.

Self hate of bleeding floors.

Lost Appeals.

​Here, again, I want to go,

Away, far, to a distance unknown,

Rituals and faiths on a blind ideal,

No bone to reform like an unbreakable seal,

They say Lucifer is locked down in hell,

But either he is free or we are down with him in well,

Every man, every woman seems a bit odd to me,

“Nice to meet you”, how can you say that when we just had seconds to greet,

Why these social obligations? Isn’t it good enough we are we?

But, I know, society, oh damn! Society!

Left – P.S , Right – Flip Dippity


Written by my dear friend Flip Dippity a.k.a Dhruv

Out Of The Box

Picking up.
Dusting lucks.
Upgrade just.
Levels of must.

Easily tempted.
Tortured & Tormented.
Sensation, felt it.
Evil, craved it.

Fright that I might
Loose the fight.
Like I did.
Anyways; otherwise.
Certainly occupied.

Patterns & behaviours.
Outcomes of denial.
Painful junctions.
Necessary redemption.
Key to self destruction.
A vicious obsession.
Cutting perversions.
Afraid of becoming a failure.

Execute.
Failing to reduce.
Being too obtuse.
A lying fool.
A demonic tool.

Out of the box.
Another one deformed.
Slowly to rot.
Waste that just took off.
Worthlessely gone.
Destruction on top.
A failed loss.
A long war fought.
Ultimately all lost.
Broken while was soft.

A best friend held.
Never yet to be yelled.
Just to stay calm & well.
Nevermind; cuze It’ll never end. 

But the flowing blood.
Just makes it worse.
For relieving amount of outburst.
Skin to dirt.
Settle you’re shirt.
All done to a purpose.
To achieve the best amount of pleasure.
I know it’s the worst measure.
I’m trying my best to get better.
But it’s just never…never..whatever.

Out of the box.
Another one deformed.
Slowly to rot.
Waste that just took off.
Worthlessely gone.
Destruction on top.
A failed loss.
A long war fought.
Ultimately all lost.
Broken while was soft.

A toxic downer is all what you’ve become,
so stop talking to everyone.
Keep it to yourself and pick me up.
I’ll calm u down when it will be done.
Does; still not feels like a member.
A reject, a monster and a bloody tremor.
So stop talking to everyone.
Keep it to yourself and pick me up.
I’ll calm u down when it will be done.
Numbed across an extremely painful sensation.

Kill it all. One by one.
So stop talking to everyone.
Keep it to yourself and pick me up.
I’ll calm u down when it will be done.
It all seems fun…quickly dumped.
So stop talking to everyone.
Kill it all. One by one.
So stop talking to everyone.
Keep it to yourself and pick me up.
I’ll calm u down when it will be done.

But the flowing blood.
Just makes it worse.
For relieving amount of outburst.
Skin to dirt.
Settle you’re shirt.
All done to a purpose.
To achieve the best amount of pleasure.
I know it’s the worst measure.
I’m trying my best to get better.
But it’s just never…never..whatever.

Out of the box.
Another one deformed.
Slowly to rot.
Waste that just took off.
Worthlessely gone.
Destruction on top.
A failed loss.
A long war fought.
Ultimately all lost.
Broken while was soft.

Written by :- P.S (PATIENT Stan)