Self Defeat

Eating Disorders are not choices, they choose you. (FACT 101)

Written by P.S.
Theme – Depression.


Eating Disorders.

Self Harm.


Substance Abuse.

(Trigger warning/explicit)
1 – Pierce.


Sounding near.

Smashed rear.

Bleeding ears.

Disgusted fears.

Whorish deer.

Molly becomes a peer.

Downer flame sear.
“Molly” – MDMA. Psychoactive Drug.
2 – Chem. (Short for “chemicals”).

Drug gem.

Spiral bend.

Just pretend.

Focused end.

Depths & dens.

Submerging trench.

Barbaric fence.

Failed defence.

Insomnia strikes.

Mentally blind.

Conclusions, terrified.

Roll the dice.

Pay the price.

Guilt obliged.

Pain??? Right!!!

Blade grind.
3 – Self Defeat.

Social anxiously.


Nervous system disease.

Eat! Bitch! Eat!

My voice begins to screech

My voice begins to creak.

Forcing beat.

Forcing meet.

Of guilt teeth.

Of guilt reach.


Self Defeat.
4 – Food toxification.





Dead ambition.

Total restrictions.

Volcanic eruptions.

Open nations.

Chemical patience.

Genetical destruction.

Dissociative concentration.
5 – Self Defeat.

Social anxiously.


Nervous system disease.

Eat! Bitch! Eat!

My voice begins to screech

My voice begins to creak.

Forcing beat.

Forcing meet.

Of guilt teeth.

Of guilt reach.


Self Defeat.


End the stigma. Ask a serious sufferer for a better insight on an eating disorder. For the rest its nothing, eating is just another task or not a big deal for them; It’s a war for lifetime for us. Breaking us all slowly even when we try to recover, we have to fight back. It takes a lot believe me, to actually fight the same thing all over again. It stays. Never leaves. And most of all you wonder how long? how long, like this? It’s a serious struggle. Each and every single second, every single day. To live with those voices.

The Reject

Bhassam hain sab!!!

1 – I am the cheapest.

I am the weakest.

I am the tree nest.

Of ill treatment.

Neat pegs.

Addiction pet. 

Self destruct test.

The Reject.

I am the reject.

2 – Lonely.

Why were you only?

Left with such negativity,

Collapsed heaps.

Borderline Creep.

No sleep.

No dreams.

Can’t meet their eyes. 

Can’t see. 

Can’t feel.

Hydration on low self esteem.

Relapse deeds.

A big sharp shiny steel.

Guilt to the appeals.

Nothing reveals.

Silent screams.

Addiction supreme.

3 – Abandonment victory.

What do you believe?

“A stranger” from the Joker’s philosophy.   

Traces to heal, 

Traces to treat.



Without any pity.


Just bleed.

To treat,

to meet, 

to reach, 

to keep, 



Evil keys.

Of a sanity peace.

Survival grease. 

Leaking gently.

Bandaged hankee.

Still blood red, bed sheets.

Morning peel. 

4 – I am the cheapest.

I am the weakest.

I am the tree nest.

Of ill treatment.

Neat pegs.

Addiction pet.

Self destruct test.

The Reject.

I am the reject.

5 – Alienated.





Emotions, pasted.

Red fucking humiliate.

Gather around for the race.

Another phase.

Abductive mind games.

Never stops, begun to chase.

What’s your fucking name?

Stan…you’re a big shame.

So now, MAIM.

Maim Motherfucker Maim.

Somehow, escape.

This base.


When you’re late.

But Dirt is paid.

Of guilty mistakes.

Self Harm seems to be the only way.

Live your dark days.

But uncertainty remains.

With Slow, poisonous, death’s pace.

6 – I am the cheapest.

I am the weakest.

I am the tree nest.

Of ill treatment.

Neat pegs.

Addiction pet.

Self destruct test.

The Reject.

I am the reject.

Written By ‘Patient’ Stan. (P.S)


Red Coloured Paint (I.A.P.G. Impulse, Action, Pleasure, Guilt)

Impulse (Noun)

A strong and unreflective urge or desire to act.

Action (Noun)

The fact or process of doing something; typically to achieve an Aim.

Pleasure (Noun)

A feeling of happy satisfaction or  enjoyment.

Guilt (Noun)

The fact of having committed something wrong or have implied failure, offence or crime.

Credits: SATI_TheMystique.

Red Coloured Paint (I.A.P.G)
1 – Where will you go?

How will you cope?

When there’s just a fan and a sight of a rope.

And it turns to only one of your remaining last hope.

You start writing suicide notes.

In guilt, when the pain is more.

Earlier than before.
2 – What will you ask for?

Fucking end it all.

With a final call.

A call to make you shock.

A shock to make you knock.

A knock to make you empty like a rock.

An empty rock to make you small.

So small to make you end the pain cause.

A pain cause to build your walls.

With those walls, your mind mauls.

Bloody body is hauled.

Depression knot.

Anxiety clot.

Self harm mock.

Insomniac brawl.
3 – How will you stop?

How will you solve?

How ill, will you fall?

Ravaging dissolve.

Impulse – A Loop, a ball.

A vicious weavement of thoughts.

An Agent Of Chaos.

Action – An arousing pod.

Pleasure – A seductive boss.

Guilt – The splash of the sauce.

Drip – drip.

A releived grin.

Across my chin.

Just lose it.

And stains fill.

Blood on my nail prints.

This man who’s accusative.

Shine of the sedative, palliative.

Mind repetitive.

Screaming,”rule of 10 hits.

You fat bitch!!!

Why did you ingested?”.
Old nightmares haunts with a butcher’s knife.

A rope appearing nearer and nearer with that dreadful smile.

I might kill myself tonight.

Because nothings alright.

So I’ll become the sacrifice.


To vice.
4 – It’s no more a game.

When scars begin to fade.

The urges make you vulnerable in shame.

Night time makes,

To lose my shades.

A tool innate.

A tool intricate.

Chugging down liquor generates. 

Unlimited wage.

Of severe self hate.

Precision of my mistakes.

Played, replayed.

Mind Slaved.

Human brain.

Impulse – You can’t wait.

Action – Objection is sustained.

Pleasure – Draining the pain.

Guilt – And the devil rapes.

Time to time, again and again.

Until he mutilates. 

Until I suffocate.

5 – In depth.

My blade lies beside my bed.

A bleeding fest.

Cheek bones bruised red.

From rapid punching of myself.

Only exhaustion left.

Something begins to fade my present.

From the torment.

As many, and when I make more dents.

On my ugly flesh.

Borderline refreshed.

Necessary evil exponent.

Impulse – Self Harm Savage.

Mental Mallet.

Action – Depression Valid.

Tool – kit, Solid.

Pleasure – Annihilation Jotted.

Areas Spotted.

Guilt – Emotions Distraughted.

Visions Distorted.


Written By P.S

EAT (Enemy At Therapy)

Enemy Within.

No options.

Failed verifications.

In conclusion.

No questions.

Purging actions.

Bleeding preparations.
Lines of meth.

Self destructive test.

A confined measurement.

Absurdity fed.

Addictive threat.

Kill the help.

Of rehab shed.

Insanity progress.

Happiness theft.

Misery left.

Nothing felt.

Loneliness dealt.

Blades become best friends.

Oo don’t care about yourself.

 I hate me and my existence.

Shame won’t tolerate my presence.

I want to kill myself.
I can’t ever be loved.

Because I am too much.

I self destruct.

Cut my hands to feel numb.

I was played around with my trust.

Mind fucked.

Bad luck?

Absolutely rust.

Rage burst.

Ripping deep for fun.

Dimensions spun.

Crave is a wave of lust.

And you must.

Get it done.
Just for once tell me.

How many?


Would it take get me relieved.

Insanity feeds.

Mental disease.

Confidence depletes.

A rush when weak.

Felt when stomach is totally empty.



In variety.

It’s totally foul.

Hateful doubts.

Kilos of cocaine, nose drowned.

Black out.

Falling down.

On the ground.

Bleeding skin and dehydrated mouth.

Written by P.S ‘PATIENT Stan’

Fear And Loathing

The mind kills people when depression is on a full time job.

Losing all.

Slowly deform.

It’s your job.

To erase your cause.

Aggression faught.

Precisely called.

Self harm born.

Destructive thoughts.

Can’t control.

Mind vindictiveness propose.

Drag the blade, it’s the cure.

Fading anger, pain pure.

Silenced shore.

Dripping more.

Blood on the floor.

Lose control.

Closed doors.

Failing pattern.

Relapsing flattens.

Total motivation.

Starving purification.

Perverse addictions,

Slaughtering medications.

Anaesthetic sensation.

Survival negation.

An unfortunate situation.

Craving the sensation.

Failed distractions.

Mind distortion.

Fear & loathing progression.

Futile life destruction.

Written by P.S ‘PATIENT Stan’


Low self esteem comes in handy candy. You choose to loose.

Occupied within.
Troubling skin.
Fat fucking limbs.
Despised will.
Mirror hit.Mood swing.

Outer fit.

Fuck it…just fuck it.

Vomit out.

Probably foul.

Achievement now.

Exhausted??? How???

Fatigue drowned.

Black outs.

Depressing mouth.

Mind profound.

On getting loud.

Ingesting doubts.


WORLD; deal.

Adjust please.

Dying needs.

Blue neat.

Swallow gently.

Pain, feels.



Pathetic looser.





Hide a,


Destructively biased.

Disguise of fire.

Mask Admire.

Joker, dire.

Reality perspires.

Hate higher.

Cutting guider.

Much more, blinder.

Thin…might just…

Loose some.

But failed Trust.

So chose to self destruct.

Coward with drugs.

Written by P.S  (PATIENT Stan)

Dead With The Rest

I have friends.

That makes the best.

Singled out; alone fest.

A quiet nest.

An unknown bet.

Torn & shed.


In severe depth.

With friends of confidence.

Trust them.

Fear reject.

Failure defect.

Still added.


Overthinking faded.

Completely hopless.

Comforting friends.

Tried their best.
Still I feel so alone.

Alone & cold.

Miserable & unknown.

Dynamically broke.

Whatever you told.

Makes me know.

I’m not sure.

Wether you will leave.

Or push to put up with me.

I feel nothing.

Just hopelessly breathing.

I want to cut to feel something.

Or else I’ll be panicking.

I am hurting.

I am nothing.

I am a failure, at most of my things.

So give up on me.

And keep running.
Or else I’ll be rude.

I’ll shout the brutally true.

And then you will definitely choose.

The opposed view.

I was successful, in pushing you.
Stay away.

It’s better that way.

I am a mess, who doesn’t cooperates.

I’ll be fine today.

Tomorrow’s, nothingness will be the same.

I’ll feel ashamed.

Drinking my pain.

Alcoholic waste.

Imagining abandoning phase.

Degrade. Degrade.

Mind full of hate. 

Again & again.

Thoughts pile up the weight.

Pick up blade.

Feel the pain.

You deserve it; you are lame.

Entering the delirium state.

End the game.

Destined to your grave.

Helpless & hopeless fate.
Bleeding red.

What’s the best?

You are, killing yourself.

Maybe I’m possessed.

Totally obsessed.

Absolutely worthless.

No one to help.

Isolated but dealt.

Measured to get.

The thin targets.

Life to lifeless.

Applied madness.

Strict but careless.

Slow & emotionless.

Will to test.

Survival shed.

Failed instead.

Dead with the rest.

Written by P.S  (PATIENT Stan)